This is the very last day of my 40’s. For me, this has been a rite of passage. I’ve been processing this milestone for months. When we look back at our lives, we should be proud. Living is no easy task. Growing is often challenging. Learning can be frustrating. Love … complicated. Yet, through it all, there is an undercurrent of knowing that drives us, motivates us, and propels us forward. We are magnificent beings living in these intelligent wise and profound bodies.

​My 40th was celebrated in Australia and it was glorious. I was young, in love, and so very footloose and fancy-free. I had just recently closed on my first “big girl” house. It was my dream home and the first time with my name on legal title to real property.  It was a very exciting time and I was literally living the dream. We worked hard and played hard and I loved our life together.

The year before I conceived, life did not come without its challenges, as our little peanut made us work for her. There was a lot of praying and hoping and holding on to faith. The year of pregnancy was magnificent and such an exciting time for me. I connected with her instantly and felt her presence in my body. It was a divine union between two souls who had been searching for lifetimes to find one another.

And then she came and my whole life changed in a moment. Motherhood is also a rite of passage. Moms get this. Dads do not. It’s just one of those things in life that’s indescribable. I had fulfilled my two greatest dreams. Having a child and getting married and then at 46 years old it all began to unravel. Two long and excruciating years later, I was divorced with fragments of my life … shattered … in tiny little pieces.

There were some very dark and depressing days, but I learned about the power of presence and the gift in my ability to stay, to feel and to be utterly vulnerable. Some days were better than others, but I did my work. It was a period of cocooning, deep transformation and rebirth.

I learned independence, surrender and trust at the deepest level. I learned simplicity and grace and forgiveness. I learned that I have a voice and that boundaries matter. I learned that I’m beautiful and special and deserve to be loved. I learned that I’m a survivor and a warrior and I don’t give up. I learned that I’m smart and capable and fiercely protective of the ones I love. I learned that being a single mom is hard, but the gifts and opportunities are endless. I learned that I don’t need a man to take care of me.

I’m in control of my own life and I take care of me. I may not have been able to defend or protect myself as a child, but I sure can protect her now and I see her in all her radiance. To all those who believed in me until I was able to believe in myself, thank you. I could not have done it without you and your support will never be forgotten. I feel seen and loved. I feel alive and free and happy and so very proud of myself.

The past decade has been quite the journey from living my best life to shattering into a million pieces to building an even better life. I’m embracing tomorrow with grace and ease and an immense amount of love for myself. I love you BeAnne Creeger and I think you’re awesome. You’re a great mom and your heart is even bigger than before. Your strength and determination are pretty amazing. You have the experience, drive, and deep spiritual wisdom to live your best life so look out world! The best is yet to come.

Peace, Love, & Bubbles!   

​One of the reasons I love what I do is because I get to connect with people on a very deep level. If you’re reading this, we’ve perhaps had coffee together or shared in a meaningful conversation, made eye contact, smiled, listened, cried or laughed together. And that means something.

It’s the “you” I want to emphasize. You are connected to me in some way or another and I thank you for being a part of my life. For those whom I’ve advised in real estate or to those I’ve guided on the mat, thank you for entrusting me with your most intimate space. 
 
As a modern world, we have lost the ability to connect to one another as humans and not just because of technology and all the digital interruptions throughout the day, but because of our inability to trust. 
We spend more time on devices than eye to eye. We have become desensitized to touch. Eye contact seems foreign. Talking on the phone is uncomfortable and we have become so isolated from genuine heartfelt intimacy.

Unfortunately, we have been conditioned to be skeptical of everything and everyone. We are so driven by the ego that we run ourselves to the point of exhaustion or overwhelm and the stress and anxiety are making us sick. We have lost so many lives and people (kids) continue to take their own lives. It has to stop. 

Let’s do things differently. Let’s remember what truly matters and connect in more intimate ways. Let’s make eye contact again and have more understanding and kindness. Let’s touch and hug and have real and meaningful conversations.  Let’s try and be open to other points of view. Let’s be more present and live mindfully and with good intentions.

Hear me when I say this: We all have our gifts and we are all worthy of being seen and we’ve all endured our fair share of loss & heartache. Nobody gets a free ride in this world and so wherever you find yourself on this path, make it great. Live your best life. Call someone. Answer the phone. Have a meaningful conversation. Engage. Connect. Travel. Live simply. Love more. Be kind. Show up. Hold space. Get uncomfortable. Grow. Learn something new. Come alive again.  The world needs you … now, more than ever.   

​This is the 2nd time in 49 years I’ve woken up alone on Christmas morning. And yet, there is such warmth in knowing I’m not “really” alone. For years I’ve been on this journey to find myself. To know myself. To understand the deeper meaning of it all. Through deep self-exploration and quiet, reflective moments, I’ve learned a lot. Each time I cocoon, I get a little closer to “me.” The deepest unraveling happened the year I lived in Japan. The 1st Christmas I spent alone.

The second deep unraveling was my divorce and now here I sit on Christmas morning just days after the winter solstice in deep contemplation of my life. I teach others about the importance of practicing self-care and getting quiet and reflective during the last fews weeks of the year and yet, year after year I’m out with the rest of the world running around; exhausting myself to the core.

This year was different. Not having my daughter gave me the opportunity to be with myself; to look deep within my soul and get really quiet. You see, we cannot grow and heal and love more if we don’t take time to reflect. We have to “want” it and then we have to be intentional with our thoughts and have a willingness to be present. And then it begins.

The insights, the hard truths, the realizations … all come to light. There are moments of overwhelm, and extreme loneliness. Sadness and depression arise and then, fear and anxiety. Anger and resentment materialize and the victim emerges and you see all the insecurities. There’s a yearning to run and not feel any of it, but you stay and listen and breathe and feel and then it’s done. You made it. You survived. And somehow you’re more whole. More expansive. More connected and at peace. You are free.

It’s Christmas and I’m sitting quietly beneath a warm cozy blanket with a cup of coffee In reverence and awe of all that I’ve endured. There’s a simplicity and grace to this quiet singular moment while the rest of the world is out with abandon unwrapping gifts and snapping photos in the excitement of it all.

To all the beautiful souls alone this morning, I see you and I’m sending an immense amount of love. Post your own selfie and know that you are not alone. I will hold you and you, me.

I'm going to be honest and just speak from the heart. The holidays are a bit different for me this year. It's one of the many unfortunate consequences of a divorce; being separated from your child. People tell me I will get use to it and that it will get easier, but I don't know that I will ever be comfortable being apart from my daughter. She is my heart and soul. She was born from my body. I am a part of her and she of me. There is no greater bond.

This will be the very first Christmas morning I wake up without her. I will not get to hear the little footsteps running down the stairs to see if Santa came or whether or not he took the letter and enjoyed the cookies and carrots we left for him and the reindeer. The void in my heart is indescribable, yet I know there are many parents out there who have lost their child to suicide, an illness, or some horrible tragedy and they do not get the luxury of seeing their child again. I do. What an incredible blessing.

Although I know I'm blessed, I cannot discount or ignore the present ache in my heart so I hold {both} tendering. The grief of not having her here and the joy in knowing that she will be with me again soon. It's such a beautiful practice to hold this dichotomy so reverently.

Our feelings are part of the human experience and we must honor them and feel them, but not get stuck in the muck of them. This life we are living is too precious to live amongst all this stress and anxiety.

Things happen that are out of our control, but it's how we handle these moments and how we choose to live our lives afterwards that truly matters. Thankfully, we do get to control how we respond and where we put our attention. That said, I'm choosing to do something good. Something healing and from the heart.

The mat is where I go to heal, to restore and to get the rest and energy I need to live my best life, so instead of being sad, I'm rolling out the mat on Christmas Eve and doing something I love. Yoga! Teaching is my greatest gift and brings me an immense amount of joy.

If you're interested in practicing, but the time doesn't work with your schedule, I'm offering a recorded option so please see the details below.

My heart and soul are always with you.

Love & Light,
BeAnne
🖤🖤🖤

Zoom Live Stream: Saturday December 24th, 9:30am-10:30am EDT. The session will open at 9:15am so please arrive early to get settled so you are ready to begin at 9:30am.

Step #1 Send Payment:

Cost: $15

Two Payment Platforms.

Venmo: BeAnne-Creeger
PayPal: beannecreeger@gmail.com

Recorded Option: Pre-pay (payment information above) and include "Recording" in the notes of either Venmo or Paypal and I'll send you the link after class on Saturday.

Step #2 Register (Required):

https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZEsdOqtrTItE9Vun4aeXfsgneZfaHSBWKXX

After registering, you will receive another email with link to join class (Save this for Saturday).
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