The lost letter June 30, 2008
Posted by admin in : Life 101 , trackbackDo you ever have one of those days where nothing goes right? I only got 4 hours sleep the night before, which always makes for an interesting next day because I’m one of those people who needs at least 8 hours of sleep to function like a normal human being. Anything less means I could have an emotional melt down at any moment…just say, “boo” and it’s all over!
We had a beautiful ceremony to celebrate and honor the journey we all took through the advanced 500 credit hour teacher training program so I stayed up late writing a letter to my yoga teachers, as I wanted them to know how much this course meant to me and how much I appreciated everything they did for us.
I’m a bit of a perfectionist so I put a lot of energy in to finding the right words to truly describe what was in my heart, which wasn’t easy because sometimes emotions are beyond words. I worked on this letter for hours so I was a bit delirious, as I climbed in to bed at 2am.
I saved the letter on my thumb drive and then tried to open it at the studio the next morning, but the computer wouldn’t read it. One of the students thought it was because it was password protected and apple couldn’t recognize it so I took it to Kinkos, but none of the computers there would recognize it either. The lady behind the counter said the data was gone, but it was just there the night before and nothing happened to it from the time I went to bed and the time I got to the studio so I didn’t understand what was going on.
I was a mess by the time I left Kinkos. It was such a beautiful letter so I didn’t understand why I wasn’t meant to have it for the ceremony. It was so important my teachers knew how much they meant and I didn’t think I would ever be able to express my gratitude on the spot so I was really let down. There was nothing I could do so I headed out to the Lake Claire Community Land Trust where we were having the ceremony. I got all turned around and couldn’t find my way and ended up driving in circles, which really wore on my nerves. Not only was I exhausted, I was starving so I was not in any state of mind to be driving around aimlessly.
I called one of my friends since she lived a couple blocks from the Land Trust and knew the area like the back of her hand. She was able to help me find my way so I was relieved when I finally got there and could eat, but then there turned out to be a lot of flies, which made me want to come out of my skin. I know, I know…flies are beings too and yes, I realize this, but I still couldn’t get over it. I’m not a big fan of trying to eat with flies and their dirty little feet landing all over the food I’m putting in my mouth.
In the Mutant Message from Down Under by Marlo Morgan, the author talks about the Australian Aboriginal Tribe and how they walk miles with swarms of flies around them without ever flinching because they think of them as divine beings washing their skin clean of any dirt or disease.
It’s truly a beautiful way to look at it and I really tried to see it that way, but I couldn’t. I just wanted to run to my car and get away from the pesky little suckers, which is so not the way I like to think, but it is what it is. Oh, and if I wasn’t already close to a meltdown, my drink totally exploded down the front of me when I opened it. I didn’t turn it upside or anything, but it still came rushing out like a bomb in a fountain…Kombucha is naturally effervescent so it would be kind of like opening a coke after shaking it vigorously.
At that point, I was done…I gave up…surrendered. It was such a beautiful day and there I was agro and discombobulated so I just had to let go and move past it. It was easy to change moods as the energy at the Land Trust was amazing and of course I was surrounded by 19 of the most diving beings I’ve ever met so how could you not find peace, right?
The ceremony turned out to be 5 hours and was absolutely magical. To try and put it in to words would be an injustice. It’s not something meant to be shared with anyone except for those who were there. What I realized, though, was the letter I wrote was never meant to be read because what I felt sitting in that beautiful circle of love and light was beyond words.
What I received from the course was beneath anything that could come from the mind. The journey was about going “in” and coming out dripping wet with my essential nature. It was about finding that place of silence…that place of stillness that resides beneath any and all thought. And in that place of silence lies the truth of our existence and when I’m in that place and you are in that place…we are in the same place…we are one!
So there I was in that place of silence feeling gratitude and love knowing that my teachers were in that same place. The letter was not necessary because they knew…no words…just truth…the noble truth. Finding that beautiful silence was the most magical gift I ever received. Life comes together at that place and everything just seems to make sense without any kind of effort. I can say the advanced course truly transformed me and for that I will be forever grateful.
The beautiful end to this story came this morning when I put my thumb drive in my computer and found all the data in place. Ironic, huh? Don’t ask me where it was when I tried to pull it up on SEVEN different computers earlier that day because I don’t know and it doesn’t really matter. I wasn’t meant to read the letter. I just wish I didn’t let it ruin my afternoon because I knew better…everything happens for a reason even if we don’t know the reason at the time!
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