Take off the mask August 9, 2009
Posted by admin in : Fear, People Tags:higher self, identities, masks, spiritual journey , add a commentI use to wonder why people, including myself, felt the need to hide behind addictions or labels or titles or whatever masks we chose to wear in order to feel sanctified in the eyes of another. One couldn’t possibly know the answer to this question unless one took off the guise of deception and stopped hiding and the moment one experiences this emancipated state of vulnerability, the answer is clear.
People hide because they are scared of being hurt. If we didn’t live in such a judgmental insolent world where people drum to the beat of humanity instead of their own internal rhythm, we would have a lot more self-confidence and would seek refuge in the opinion of our higher selves instead of the mortals we idolize. Control, greed, and power have brought civilization to its knees. The world began its decent, as religious tyranny, political ruin, and economic hardship made mankind insecure, judgmental, mind-driven machines that learned how to manipulate through the use of guilt and the art of manipulating lower emotions.
It’s no wonder people don’t want to be vulnerable and true to their authentic self. There’s so much pain and suffering people get lost in the mind and become numb to what’s going on at a deeper level because they can’t withstand. We’ve slowly lost our identity and have allowed the collective whole to penetrate our psyche…our spirits buried under the intellectual and logical self becoming impervious to pain. The hurt we actually allow ourselves to feel is masked by our identity in a distracted attempt to protect our spirits.
I didn’t realize this until I felt a kind of pain I had never felt before. It was different in the sense that it was no longer me, the victim, but me, the completely open and vulnerable with a tender heart me. One doesn’t feel pain quite so severely when there’s a wall built around the soul, but when you dig through the layers of the onion and take off the masks and awaken to your essential self, the pain is felt at a much deeper level. It’s a raw organic pain that doesn’t feel like the “woe is me” pain, but a true heart wrenching uninhabited tenderness that seeps through every pore of your being. The mind isn’t telling you stories and the heart begging for sympathy. It’s as if the world stops and your body becomes so real and so firmly rooted in truth.
Talking about it defies its very nature because it’s not a story to be told like some trashy column written as gossip and published for the masses, but a hard physical sensation penetrating deep within the recesses of your being. You’re so conscious and aware of the profound aching, you want to put the mask back on and continue on with the facade, but you can’t. It’s like the pain is holding you down starring you in the face. There’s nowhere to run and no place to hide. It’s just you and the energy that holds the agonizing moment of despair.
I wish I could say, “Stay behind the mask and never experience the kind of pain one would feel standing naked before the world,” but it would go against everything I believed. Digging through layers and layers of crap to get to the real you is where it’s all at because it is in knowing your higher self that light begins to shine through. How can one be open and able to heal and make this world a better place if the waters of the soul are murky and the sky cloudy with dark matter? Once the spiritual path is discovered and made clear of karmic debris, the spirit shines like sunlight through a quartz crystal. It’s clear and vibrant and relentless in its ability to shine in all directions. To not truly open up one’s heart and feel the kind of raw organic pain we deny ourselves is to deny ourselves the very magic of life.
Breaking through the core May 29, 2008
Posted by admin in : Spiritual Growth Tags:awareness, emotional release, pure consciousness, spiritual journey , add a commentI have been doing a lot of work on myself and as a result, I’ve released a lot of emotional baggage. There are no words to describe the intensity of the spiritual journey I’ve been on or the things I’ve learned about myself in the process. There were times I just wanted to quit…end the journey…stop discovering and unveiling parts of myself I didn’t know were there. It was much easier when I wasn’t doing the work and just living day-to-day without an understanding of why things happen the way they do or the underlying reason why people behave in certain ways because let’s face it…ignorance is bliss.
Sometimes I wish I never had the yearning to know more…to go further…to delve deeper, but there’s no turning back…the journey began years ago, as there was something inside me that wanted to know the deeper meaning of life and I didn’t want to settle for mediocrity…I wanted something greater. I didn’t know what that meant, but that’s where the journey began…it was in the wanting to know more that my awareness started to unfold. All anyone has to do is set the intention and the path is theirs.
The journey was downright painful at times and emotionally draining because you have to face yourself, which is no small mountain to climb. People want to blame others or throw themselves in to work or distract themselves rather than look in the mirror and face the fact that we are living through a false sense of self. It’s much easier to remain unconscious and walk around being attached to the emotional, mental and physical forms we identify as ourselves, but we are so much more and there’s great beauty in awakening to the place in us that is beyond form.
I’ve been peeling off layers of the onion for years, but the process was accelerated when I started teacher training back in October. I knew it was going to be a lot of work, but I was willing to put in the time because I wanted to be free from anything that was holding me back. I wanted to break down the walls I built around my heart to protect the genuine place in me where we are all one…where we connect as one pure consciousness. That part of us that is immediately veiled the moment we are given identities by those around us.
Unfortunately it was a process because there were so many layers of crap I had to get through, but I think I was finally able to break through the molten core that hardened after so many years of protecting myself. Metaphorically speaking, I allowed the core to crack open as I dropped back in to the full wheel (see the “Emotional Release through Asana” post). The shattering I felt throughout my body was the armor falling away and it left me feeling vulnerable and open in a way I’ve never felt before. So many emotions came rushing to the surface…anger and resentment led the way and these emotions came out of nowhere, but I allowed myself to be with whatever came up, which gave me the freedom and space to finally let go and with that came a sense of freedom that was incomprehensible.