Silent Retreat January 20, 2009
Posted by admin in : Meditation Tags:Dr. Bhagwan, Meditation, mental chatter, purging, retreat, silence , add a commentIf you’ve never had the opportunity to start a year off in a retreat, you might want to consider doing it some time, as it’s a great way to ground the holiday energy and welcome in the New Year. I went on a 4 day meditation retreat taught by Dr. Bhagwan who is a world renowned meditation teacher from India. He is known to embody a deep inner silence and is able to guide students to a place of deep inquiry without having to say a word.
I sat in utter silence for 2 hours during the 1st evening session and 3 hours the next morning without any guidance or direction from Dr. Bhagwan. It was mentally, physically, & emotionally challenging and I was extremely irritated, as my emotions and thoughts ran like wild fire. The physical discomfort sent pangs throughout my body to the point I wanted to get up and run out of the room. All I wanted to do was experience the quintessential bliss of nothingness yet I couldn’t seem to reach a point of silence, as I was either fixated on the physical discomfort or the ridiculous mental chatter that seemed to have a life of its own.
I was stuck between the two worlds without reprieve and yet Dr. Bhagwan seemed to sit comfortably and at peace with the world. I was silently cursing obscenities at this great sage, as he seemed to have no remorse for what I was going through as a novice meditator. I desperately wanted him to speak or give me a couple minutes to walk around and stretch my legs, as my body wasn’t use to sitting so long. Of course the holy man sitting before me knew exactly what I was going through and had every bit of compassion, but he had a certain method to his teaching and it was all part of the process. Meditation retreats are effective because they pull out the muck in our lives and allow divine light to filter in through the veil that separates us from knowing our true selves.
When a person meditates, the mind slowly settles in to silence, as awareness is brought to the breath or a particular mantra. The heart rate slows and the central nervous channel calms, which is when the body starts to release stress. Once stress is released, there’s activity in the body. Activity in the body then triggers mental activity, which creates more thoughts. I use to wonder the point of meditation if there would always be more thoughts, but the more I sat, the more I experienced larger periods of silence. Through a regular practice, I began to realize the gaps between each thought were widening and I was experiencing more and more moments of pure consciousness, which enabled me to experience something other than the physical body, the thoughts, feelings, and mental images of my external experience. The truth of my existence was slowly being unveiled by going within and eliminating the mental chatter, which allowed me to settle in to a place of deep inner silence.
Dr. Bhagwan eventually spoke, but it wasn’t until the 3rd round so I had ample amount of time to purge all the thoughts and emotions that tormented me during the 1st two sessions. Had he not let me sit for such a long time, his words wouldn’t have had as much meaning so I was thankful for the initial purification, as it created space for me to absorb the profound wisdom he had to share and it enabled me to finally be able to settle in to a place of deep inner stillness where there was nothing to think, nothing to feel, or nothing to do.
Some of my most profound awakenings have come from challenging myself and stepping out of my comfort zone, as the insight and awareness that come from sitting through dark moments and challenging times are deeply profound.