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Taking the “Red” Pill June 15, 2009

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Making a commitment to walk the spiritual path and be devoted to your higher self is like taking the red pill in the movie Matrix. Once you take it, there’s no going back. You can no longer claim blissful ignorance once you’ve been freed from the delusional reality you were once living. You have to be steadfast in your pursuit for happiness because you are no longer in the dark and have to be responsible and accountable for your actions. This often means being knee-deep in spiritual work, as you peel away layers of the proverbial onion and it’s not always pleasant and sometimes it’s downright painful, but it’s invaluable and feeds you in a way money can’t.

Spiritual work brings light and love and states of bliss that fill your entire being with such presence and divine awareness. The more work you do, the more you experience states of pure consciousness where life makes sense and you are right with the world. Being committed to a spiritual journey brings awareness and sense of self that fills your life with such peace and balance, as you are freed from the ego and the doom and gloom of being a mortal in this unjust world. Everyone has access to this joy, but unfortunately, many people are content with the blue pill because ignorance is bliss. Some just don’t care to do the work and I don’t blame them because there are definitely days I wish I could go back. 

The kind of joy you get from doing spiritual work doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a daily practice and takes perseverance, as some days are easier than others and you never quite know when life is going to throw you a lemon. You just have to be able to take the lemon and make lemonade and appreciate the gifts however they come. We create our reality through our intentions and actions so if there is something we need to learn, we subconsciously put ourselves in situations that teach us about ourselves and the world in which we live.

Whether it is a friend, a family member, a random stranger, a partner, or a colleague, relationships are opportunities to learn things about ourselves and grow both personally and professionally. Once you understand this, you begin to cultivate the seed of awareness and a shift begins to happen. The lessons begin to exponentially multiple as your consciousness expands because your able to see the bigger picture.

The more your consciousness expands, the more your self defeating limited ego tries to regain power by telling you stories that make you feel insecure and weak because the ego wants to keep you in a state of ignorance. It becomes an internal conflict and struggle that can be overwhelming because on one hand, you know you’re growing and learning something beautiful, but on the other hand, your ego makes you feel worthless and doubt what you know to be true.  

If you find yourself pointing fingers or placing blame on someone, take a step back and look within yourself to find the gift in the emotions you’re feeling because you’re just clearing stuff out and making space for more light to flow in your life. Relationships help you get rid of baggage that no longer serve you so don’t see arguments or challenging situations as a conflict. See them has opportunities to learn something new about yourself. Once you own your own stuff, clarity will follow and you will be one step closer to knowing your true essential nature.

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Breaking through the core May 29, 2008

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I have been doing a lot of work on myself and as a result, I’ve released a lot of emotional baggage. There are no words to describe the intensity of the spiritual journey I’ve been on or the things I’ve learned about myself in the process. There were times I just wanted to quit…end the journey…stop discovering and unveiling parts of myself I didn’t know were there. It was much easier when I wasn’t doing the work and just living day-to-day without an understanding of why things happen the way they do or the underlying reason why people behave in certain ways because let’s face it…ignorance is bliss.

Sometimes I wish I never had the  yearning to know more…to go further…to delve deeper, but there’s no turning back…the journey began years ago, as there was something inside me that wanted to know the deeper meaning of life and I didn’t want to settle for mediocrity…I wanted something greater. I didn’t know what that meant, but that’s where the journey began…it was in the wanting to know more that my awareness started to unfold. All anyone has to do is set the intention and the path is theirs.

The journey was downright painful at times and emotionally draining because you have to face yourself, which is no small mountain to climb. People want to blame others or throw themselves in to work or distract themselves rather than look in the mirror and face the fact that we are living through a false sense of self. It’s much easier to remain unconscious and walk around being attached to the emotional, mental and physical forms we identify as ourselves, but we are so much more and there’s great beauty in awakening to the place in us that is beyond form.

I’ve been peeling off layers of the onion for years, but the process was accelerated when I started teacher training back in October. I knew it was going to be a lot of work, but I was willing to put in the time because I wanted to be free from anything that was holding me back. I wanted to break down the walls I built around my heart to protect the genuine place in me where we are all one…where we connect as one pure consciousness. That part of us that is immediately veiled the moment we are given identities by those around us.  

Unfortunately it was a process because there were so many layers of crap I had to get through, but I think I was finally able to break through the molten core that hardened after so many years of protecting myself. Metaphorically speaking, I allowed the core to crack open as I dropped back in to the full wheel (see the “Emotional Release through Asana” post). The shattering I felt throughout my body was the armor falling away and it left me feeling vulnerable and open in a way I’ve never felt before. So many emotions came rushing to the surface…anger and resentment led the way and these emotions came out of nowhere, but I allowed myself to be with whatever came up, which gave me the freedom and space to finally let go and with that came a sense of freedom that was incomprehensible.

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Judgments May 4, 2008

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Do you ever stop and think about the negative judgments you make towards other people? And even if you’re a Saint, you’re still human so don’t think for a second you’re above it. We all make judgments and not necessarily with malicious intent. Our minds have a way of naturally labeling people whether we like it or not. Judgments come as freely as thought and there’s a difference between judgments that surface subconsciously and those that are intentional.

We don’t want to look at ourselves or take responsibility for our imperfections so instead of looking within ourselves, we find fault and blame in others, but the things we don’t like in other people are usually things we don’t like about ourselves. It took me a really long time to realize this, but I see it more and more in my life every day.

I went out to dinner with some friends not too long ago and I found myself getting really irritated over something really stupid. One of the guys is a really good friend of mine and I respect him immensely yet I found myself judging him, as I watched him devour his own plate of food and then everyone else’s at the table. Of course he’s one of those people who is extremely lean without an ounce of fat and can eat whatever he wants so he doesn’t have to worry about it. The table even ordered a couple desserts for everyone to share, but he had more than his fair share and for some reason it annoyed me. 

Once I stopped and asked myself why it bothered me so much, I realized my jealous ego was at play. I love sugar and would eat it all the time if I could, but I can’t. I’m not one of those people who can eat whatever she wants. I have to work for my body and watch everything I eat. We all have those times where our appetite is insatiable, but not all of us can indulge. Does that give us the right to judge those who can? Absolutely not! 

I had no right to judge him and of course I didn’t mean to, but that’s the thing about judgments…they often surface from the unconcious self who I typically refer to as the “ego!” It’s usually those closest to us that offer the most insight in to ourselves so the next time you find yourself judging someone, stop for a minute and ask yourself where it’s coming from and be open to what arises.

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