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Rebirth November 5, 2009

Posted by admin in : Spiritual Growth Tags:, , , , , , add a comment

People often ask me if I’m ”always” happy and I can’t help, but laugh because I’m the most sensitive person on the planet. Just because I have a positive outlook on life and live everyday to it’s fullest, doesn’t mean I don’t go through rough periods or experience sadness or even bouts of depression. None of us are spared from the shadow. We just handle it differently and I, personally, choose to deal with it head on because I know that being sensitive and allowing myself to feel every passing emotion creates beautiful space and a shift in consciousness that brings about profound awareness and mental clarity. My journey is about exploring the inner truth that seeks to be sought, as I want to grow and learn as much as I can. 

The problem is that sometimes we don’t want to see the truth because often times it can be painful. For me most recently, it was realizing my dream to be married and have children might not ever happen. After finding myself in another relationship with someone who didn’t believe in the constitution of marriage, I knew it was time to face the fact that my journey might be something other than I had hoped. I just couldn’t continue thinking about it and dreaming about it while knowing I was in a relationship with someone who dreamed otherwise. The alternative was to leave a man I loved, but my feelings were too strong so I had to let go.

Letting it go didn’t happen overnight, as it took me revisiting it and going over it in my mind again and again. What made it so difficult was the ego telling me I didn’t deserve to be married or have a child, that I was being punished for something, which is just old programming and conditioning from the past. Our spirits know better because when it comes right down to it, we are all worthy of the absolute very best and if I were truly meant to get married or have a child, it would happen whether I obsessed about it or not so why not just let it go and be free?

Even though I finally found the emotional strength and confidence in myself to let it go, it wasn’t easy. When a person holds on to a dream for so long, it becomes a part of the body’s physiology and letting go of old patterns can illicit strong emotions so I went through a bout of depression. My spirit felt lost and my hope smothered by despair, but I knew that a huge spiritual transformation was about to occur so I had to allow myself to feel the sadness because the only way for a person to know light is to know dark. 

In order to shine out from within, you have to be willing to sit in the shadow and endure a little suffering or heartache in order to really awaken and open your eyes to a higher truth. The more in touch you can get with your pain, the more in touch you will be with life, but that means getting to know it, being one with it, feeling it on every level. Once feelings surface, they can be released and what remains is a new sense of direction and a greater understanding of self and how it relates to the world.

Life is about living and dying, as one cannot be with the other just like the sun cannot be without the moon or the day without night. When something begins to shift energetically, you have to be patient because in order for transformation to occur, you have to be willing to let go of old thought patterns…old ideas…old social and cultural programming. This can feel like death in a way, but once the dark shadow clears, an absolutely radiant light fills the soul and you feel a sense of freedom you’ve never felt before. 

I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow or the next day. I just know right here right now and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and the freest I’ve ever felt.  I’m creating my own destiny now…what I want…what I need…what I deserve and it feels so good not to be trapped behind a fairytale anymore. I wish more people were committed to the journey because the shift in global consciousness would be a collective uprising of positive energy that would have such a huge impact on the world.

People just need to stop following the minds of others and have more confidence in themselves, as people tend to beat to the sound of our culture’s drum just going with the flow like puppets being pulled by the strings of politics and media. I realize it’s much easier to follow traditions and societal riches than to do the work necessary to grow spiritually, but we’re never going to evolve as a culture if we remain stuck in the old way of doing things.

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Surrender August 16, 2009

Posted by admin in : Relationships Tags:, , , , add a comment

I’m an idealist and someone who sees the world through rose-colored sunglasses. I believe in marriage and children and dream about the fairytale wedding, but the older I get, the more skepticism I face. In particular, the men I seem to attract are either previously married and jaded by the fact it didn’t work or just don’t have a desire to make that kind of commitment. If it were just them, it would be one thing, but a lot of people are cynics when it comes to matters of the heart. I’ve actually had people ask me if I ever thought about adoption or the possibility of freezing my eggs, which I found quite hysterical considering I’m not even 40 yet, but something hit home recently when someone said to me that maybe I wasn’t meant to be a mother or a wife…that perhaps God had other plans for me.

I struggled with this because I didn’t want to give up on my dream. I’m not a quitter. I’m a fighter and a believer in the power of manifestation and the law of attraction so I had to do some soul searching and self-inquiry. What I realized is that it isn’t about me giving up or losing faith. It’s about me making a conscious decision to let go and surrender something that is maybe not meant to be. Perhaps the advice I received was right and I’m not destined to be a wife or bring a child in to this world. Maybe my fate is different than what I thought or hoped for and it’s not to say I don’t believe in marriage anymore because I absolutely whole-heartedly do. But what I believe in even more than walking down the aisle is loving someone enough to be devoted to the relationship no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way. I believe in a love where two people are willing to make sacrifices without detriment because true love is a commitment that far exceeds any ordinary relationship.

It’s much easier to walk away from something you’re not legally commited to so I always thought marriage was about making a statement of being fully devoted, but if you truly love someone with all your heart, than you would stay and work through anything whether you signed a marriage license or not.  A faithful relationship means two people are willing to do whatever it takes to grow together and work though the difficult times. It demands a little more effort, but this is how seeds of growth are planted. With the right amount of light and love, these seeds germinate in the soul and transformation occurs on a deep spiritual level.   

Take my friends and family for instance. I love them more than anything in this world and would never let anything come between us. I would give my life for any one of them and would do anything in my power to resolve an issue that came between us yet I’m not married or legally bound to them in any way. It’s just goes without saying.

I believe in the sappy fairytale dream of being utterly and passionately in love, but at the end of the day, I don’t need to be married to feel that kind of joy. I’m taking a new approach and making a choice to let go because I trust that whatever is meant to be will be.

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Is Marriage Overrated? April 24, 2009

Posted by admin in : Relationships, Uncategorized Tags:, , , , 1 comment so far

Why do so many people think marriage is overrated? Could it be because they’ve already experienced it and no longer need or want that kind of commitment in their life or is it that they had a bad experience and don’t want to feel hurt or loss again? Whatever the reason, it truly saddens me every time I hear someone say, “Why get married?” or “Don’t get married…everything changes.”

I believe in the sacred union of two people coming together to share their life and I believe in love…the kind of love that grows deeper every day…the kind of love that makes you want to do right in your life…the kind of love that makes your heart smile every time you look at the person you love…the kind of love that makes you want to get out of bed in the morning…the kind of love that gets you through the hard times and picks you up when life gets you down…the kind of love that has no boundaries…the kind of love that enables you to trust…the kind of love that makes you want to treat someone with respect…the kind of love that is eternal and sacred in the eyes of your higher self.

I don’t necessarily believe in having one eternal soul mate because people change and grow in different directions. I think we may have several loves in our life and that it’s okay to open our hearts more than once. Divorce isn’t a bad thing and I don’t think it’s bad to be married more than once. Relationships are beautiful and they shouldn’t have to end in tragedy. It’s just a separating of ways. Take the gifts and the beautiful lessons you learned from the relationship and walk away with an appreciation of the time you spent, but don’t say marriage is overrated. Of course everything changes…you’re married…you’re committed in a way you weren’t before. You’re more intertwined spiritually, emotionally, intellectually. You’re making a serious commitment to one another, which is sacred and meaningful in so many ways.

Making that kind of change in your life is difficult and challenging, as you are no longer growing individually, but collectively with another soul. It takes two very strong people to make that kind of step in life, but think about all the growth and insight you get from sharing your life so intimately. You get the opportunity to learn about yourself on a different level, as you grow and discover things about yourself you didn’t know. The downside is that yes, you might have to sacrifice the relationship because you’re no longer compatible once you realize who you really are, but it doesn’t make it a “loss.”

Having said all that, I do believe you get to a point in life when you are so comfortable with who you are as a person that it’s possible to  meet someone and spend the rest of your life with that one person because you no longer need someone to fill a void in your life. Once you find yourself, you can experience life with another person in a whole different way, but you have to be confident in yourself and where you’re going and what you’re doing.

You have to be willing to own your own karmic baggage and not to use blame or guilt or issues to point fingers. You have to know how to communicate and be able to trust in yourself and your partner. You have to mutually respect one another and honor the relationship as something dynamic and ever changing. You have to accept your partner for who they are and not judge them or ask them to change. You have to be comfortable in your own skin and take time for yourself. It is possible and it’s not always easy, but marriage is a beautiful opportunity to fully engage with another human being on a healthy mature level. It’s magical and I don’t think it’s overrated. I think it’s fantastically beautiful!

So this is where my blog was going to end, but then I had a conversation with someone later in the evening that led me to ask the following questions:

Why get married? Why can’t you have a deep meaningful connection and level of commitment without having to legalize it by an ordained minister? Why can’t two people have a ceremonious relationship without actually having to be married?

Hmm…I don’t have an answer, but the thought of never being married makes me a bit sad. Perhaps it was always about the dream of wearing a beautiful white dress and walking down the aisle and being a princess for the day. Perhaps it was just the Cinderella fairytale I read in a book. I don’t know, but I have enough friends who are happily married to know that it’s a wonderful experience to be married to the person you love and I will not lose hope or faith in happily ever after.

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