Love Interrupted December 11, 2009
Posted by admin in : Relationships Tags:commitment, love, Relationships , add a commentAbout a month ago, I posted a piece about letting go of the dream to have a family, but in letting go, I realized a higher truth…my truth. The only two things I’ve ever known for certain were that my feelings were real and that I wanted a family, but somewhere along the line I allowed other people’s jaded views on relationships to interfere with mine. I’ve been told that moving in with someone or marrying someone or having a child with someone changes everything. The romance, the excitement of being together, the relationship; everything. Well of course it does…that’s life. We’re meant to evolve and grow and change is a part of the process and if the relationship doesn’t work out, so what? Move on.
If I were afraid of being hurt, I would have missed out on some really beautiful relationships. I don’t regret anything I’ve done because I’ve always jumped in headfirst and really lived whatever experience was before me regardless of how it ended. And maybe I’m not meant to be a mother or a wife, but I want to know that I at least have the option…that it’s a possibility. And if I’m not meant to exercise the option to have either, I, at the very least, want to know I’m with someone who loves me enough to want to share his life with me under the same roof…to share space with me and all my imperfections.
Sure, nothing will ever be as spectacular as the first moment you met or the first kiss you shared, but there’s something to be said about really getting to know someone and loving them that much more. I don’t want to wake up 10 years from now living in my house with my boyfriend living in his. I want to spend every night beside his warm body and wake up to the soft morning whisper of his voice. I want to have coffee with him and see each other off, as we begin our day. And I want to be there when he comes home from work to hear about his day and life and everything in between. I want to be there to support his dreams and share in his journey. I want to play and laugh and explore and live life together and I’m not going to settle for someone who would rather be alone than to take a chance in love.
We all have a past and we’ve all been hurt, but if you hold back your heart, then you are living in fear and you are living in past experience. How can you create new experiences and grow spiritually if you are not willing to take a chance and move forward? Life is too short not to open your heart and love like you’ve never been hurt, but perhaps some people are just not capable of the kind of love I have in my heart. I don’t know. I just don’t understand why someone would let the person they love walk away because they’re afraid of repeating the past. Only one of two things could happen. Either the relationship would work or it wouldn’t and if it didn’t, then you would be alone any way so why cho0se to be alone without giving it a chance. If it did work, then you would get to experience a love greater than you ever expected so why not at least try?
Surrender August 16, 2009
Posted by admin in : Relationships Tags:commitment, love, marriage, Relationships , add a commentI’m an idealist and someone who sees the world through rose-colored sunglasses. I believe in marriage and children and dream about the fairytale wedding, but the older I get, the more skepticism I face. In particular, the men I seem to attract are either previously married and jaded by the fact it didn’t work or just don’t have a desire to make that kind of commitment. If it were just them, it would be one thing, but a lot of people are cynics when it comes to matters of the heart. I’ve actually had people ask me if I ever thought about adoption or the possibility of freezing my eggs, which I found quite hysterical considering I’m not even 40 yet, but something hit home recently when someone said to me that maybe I wasn’t meant to be a mother or a wife…that perhaps God had other plans for me.
I struggled with this because I didn’t want to give up on my dream. I’m not a quitter. I’m a fighter and a believer in the power of manifestation and the law of attraction so I had to do some soul searching and self-inquiry. What I realized is that it isn’t about me giving up or losing faith. It’s about me making a conscious decision to let go and surrender something that is maybe not meant to be. Perhaps the advice I received was right and I’m not destined to be a wife or bring a child in to this world. Maybe my fate is different than what I thought or hoped for and it’s not to say I don’t believe in marriage anymore because I absolutely whole-heartedly do. But what I believe in even more than walking down the aisle is loving someone enough to be devoted to the relationship no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way. I believe in a love where two people are willing to make sacrifices without detriment because true love is a commitment that far exceeds any ordinary relationship.
It’s much easier to walk away from something you’re not legally commited to so I always thought marriage was about making a statement of being fully devoted, but if you truly love someone with all your heart, than you would stay and work through anything whether you signed a marriage license or not. A faithful relationship means two people are willing to do whatever it takes to grow together and work though the difficult times. It demands a little more effort, but this is how seeds of growth are planted. With the right amount of light and love, these seeds germinate in the soul and transformation occurs on a deep spiritual level.
Take my friends and family for instance. I love them more than anything in this world and would never let anything come between us. I would give my life for any one of them and would do anything in my power to resolve an issue that came between us yet I’m not married or legally bound to them in any way. It’s just goes without saying.
I believe in the sappy fairytale dream of being utterly and passionately in love, but at the end of the day, I don’t need to be married to feel that kind of joy. I’m taking a new approach and making a choice to let go because I trust that whatever is meant to be will be.
Is Marriage Overrated? April 24, 2009
Posted by admin in : Relationships, Uncategorized Tags:commitment, love, marriage, Relationships , 1 comment so farWhy do so many people think marriage is overrated? Could it be because they’ve already experienced it and no longer need or want that kind of commitment in their life or is it that they had a bad experience and don’t want to feel hurt or loss again? Whatever the reason, it truly saddens me every time I hear someone say, “Why get married?” or “Don’t get married…everything changes.”
I believe in the sacred union of two people coming together to share their life and I believe in love…the kind of love that grows deeper every day…the kind of love that makes you want to do right in your life…the kind of love that makes your heart smile every time you look at the person you love…the kind of love that makes you want to get out of bed in the morning…the kind of love that gets you through the hard times and picks you up when life gets you down…the kind of love that has no boundaries…the kind of love that enables you to trust…the kind of love that makes you want to treat someone with respect…the kind of love that is eternal and sacred in the eyes of your higher self.
I don’t necessarily believe in having one eternal soul mate because people change and grow in different directions. I think we may have several loves in our life and that it’s okay to open our hearts more than once. Divorce isn’t a bad thing and I don’t think it’s bad to be married more than once. Relationships are beautiful and they shouldn’t have to end in tragedy. It’s just a separating of ways. Take the gifts and the beautiful lessons you learned from the relationship and walk away with an appreciation of the time you spent, but don’t say marriage is overrated. Of course everything changes…you’re married…you’re committed in a way you weren’t before. You’re more intertwined spiritually, emotionally, intellectually. You’re making a serious commitment to one another, which is sacred and meaningful in so many ways.
Making that kind of change in your life is difficult and challenging, as you are no longer growing individually, but collectively with another soul. It takes two very strong people to make that kind of step in life, but think about all the growth and insight you get from sharing your life so intimately. You get the opportunity to learn about yourself on a different level, as you grow and discover things about yourself you didn’t know. The downside is that yes, you might have to sacrifice the relationship because you’re no longer compatible once you realize who you really are, but it doesn’t make it a “loss.”
Having said all that, I do believe you get to a point in life when you are so comfortable with who you are as a person that it’s possible to meet someone and spend the rest of your life with that one person because you no longer need someone to fill a void in your life. Once you find yourself, you can experience life with another person in a whole different way, but you have to be confident in yourself and where you’re going and what you’re doing.
You have to be willing to own your own karmic baggage and not to use blame or guilt or issues to point fingers. You have to know how to communicate and be able to trust in yourself and your partner. You have to mutually respect one another and honor the relationship as something dynamic and ever changing. You have to accept your partner for who they are and not judge them or ask them to change. You have to be comfortable in your own skin and take time for yourself. It is possible and it’s not always easy, but marriage is a beautiful opportunity to fully engage with another human being on a healthy mature level. It’s magical and I don’t think it’s overrated. I think it’s fantastically beautiful!
So this is where my blog was going to end, but then I had a conversation with someone later in the evening that led me to ask the following questions:
Why get married? Why can’t you have a deep meaningful connection and level of commitment without having to legalize it by an ordained minister? Why can’t two people have a ceremonious relationship without actually having to be married?
Hmm…I don’t have an answer, but the thought of never being married makes me a bit sad. Perhaps it was always about the dream of wearing a beautiful white dress and walking down the aisle and being a princess for the day. Perhaps it was just the Cinderella fairytale I read in a book. I don’t know, but I have enough friends who are happily married to know that it’s a wonderful experience to be married to the person you love and I will not lose hope or faith in happily ever after.
Acceptance…the final stage… October 17, 2008
Posted by admin in : Life 101 Tags:acceptance, grief, healing, letting go, loss, love, Relationships, trust , add a comment
Everyone experiences loss at some point in their life, whether it is the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, or the end of a relationship. Everyone responds processes and handles grief in their own way because we were raised differently. Our emotional response depends upon our personality, culture, spiritual beliefs, and religious practices. The one thing that stays constant is the process, as everyone goes through similar stages of denial, pain, anger, sadness, loneliness and then acceptance. Anyone who has grieved knows there comes a time when the pain finally subsides and you are free. It’s almost as if it happens in an instant…a single moment in time.
I don’t know what determines how long a person will grieve, but I do know that when it’s done, it’s done. There are many beautiful gifts that arise out of the final stage of accepting and letting go. There’s an awakening of consciousness and liveliness about your being that radiates from within because once the pain is gone, the body has a spaciousness the whole world can see. You feel magnificently alive and you have a new profound sense of self. It’s absolutely beautiful to witness someone letting go, as the freedom shines right through their eyes.
It took me a long time, but I finally let go of the relationship that ended almost a year ago. I’m not quite sure how to explain it, but something magical happened. It was if the universe pulled the remaining feelings out of my heart and freed me from the pain and hurt I was still harboring. I never loved another man the way I loved this man. He was absolutely everything to me. It was love at first sight and there was no doubt in my mind he was the one for me, as we talked about marriage and the possibility of creating a family.
I spent the past year trying to understand what happened…trying to understand why the Universe had other plans for us…trying to understand why our paths couldn’t be one. I was mad at the Universe for taking my love away…mad at myself for being committed to a spiritual journey that took me in a different direction. When it was all said and done what I realized was that it didn’t matter what happened between us and nobody was to blame. It was about the beautiful time we spent and the memories we created. It was about the intensity of our love and the life we shared.
There comes a time when you have to accept the fact that perhaps you’re not always meant to be with the person you think you’re suppose to be with in the terms of forever. Everyone is on their own journey and your life’s purpose may or may not take you in a different direction. It’s possible for two people to share a life together and walk along different paths as long as the relationship is supportive and nurturing. It’s important to continually grow mentally, spiritually, and emotionally so a relationship shouldn’t hold you back or inhibit you in any way.
People waste precious time blaming or faulting their partner for stuff that doesn’t really matter in the end. It’s not always about this or that, but something much greater than you or I. If it’s not working, it’s not working. It’s nobody’s fault. It just may be the inevitable. Be grateful for the times you shared together and for all the beautiful things the relationship brought in to your life, but then accept and honor one another when its time to part ways. We are not always aware of the greater plan so it’s important to trust in a higher power.
Our love was a gift I will cherish forever. The hardships we endured and the challenges we faced broke me down to the core of my being. In my struggle to understand and through my anger and pain I was able to break through the hard shell I built around my heart. I prayed to God for many years, as I wanted to find my self. I wanted to let go of the roles I played in an attempt to be loved. I wanted to walk my path and not the path set out by others. I wanted to be safe to explore the inner depths of my soul. I wanted to let go of anything that was holding me back from achieving oneness with my higher soul. I wanted to release and let go of the insecurities that weighed heavy on my heart. I wanted to let go of my fears and anger. I wanted to embrace my inner child and learn to love my self…my true self.
Part of my prayer being answered was falling in love with this amazing man who walked in to my life and shared his heart with me. He reflected things I needed to see about myself and he was a catalyst for the lessons I learned. My relationship with him was a blessing…a gift from God. Not only did I find myself, I emerged from a dark cocoon as a butterfly with wings of brilliant light.
I feel free for the first time in my life and I mean free as a hawk sailing high in the sky. I would not be here had it not been for this amazing man, the yoga teacher training, the trip to India, and for all the incredible work I did in between. Some of it was extremely painful and harder than anything I’ve ever endured, but the light was worth the blood, sweat, and tears.
I was beginning to think I was broke…that I would never be able to let him go. My heart was with him every day. There wasn’t a moment that went by when I didn’t think about him or wonder how he was doing. When we broke up, I didn’t want to believe it…I felt anger and hatred I never felt before…I felt moments of sadness that left me wanting to take my life…I felt alone and scared and now almost a year later, I am finally done…I am free.
In honoring my feelings and allowing myself to feel the pain in losing him, I was able to finally let him go and it was in an instant…just like that and not a moment too soon. I will never stop loving him, as he had a beautiful spirit, but I was finally able to accept and let go. I am grateful as the grief is finally gone and I can now sit in a place of gratitude and divine love for what we shared. Love and loss can be painfully grueling, but if you allow yourself to process in due time, you will find the journey to be insightful and enlightening.
Loving Kindness June 29, 2008
Posted by admin in : Uncategorized Tags:chakra, essential nature, innocence, love, open heart , add a comment
The medicine wheel in the Native American tradition symbolizes the individual journey we all must take to find our own path. Within the wheel are the 4 cardinal directions…all having their own sacred meaning within the circle. East signifies the renewal of life and is about loving kindness, which relates to the 4th chakra…the heart. The earth element associated with the East is Fire, which relates to the 3rd chakra…the solar plexus.
If you combined the beautiful energy of an open loving heart and a perfectly balanced solar plexus, you would get an extremely powerful love unsurpassed by all of mankind. The force of these two energies would be enough to heal the world because there is no greater power than love and when fueled by fire, love would multiply exponentially impregnating the entire world.
On the contrary, if you combined a closed heart and an unbalanced solar plexus, you would surface the lower emotions such as hate, worry, anger, and fear. Relationships would be impacted, feelings hurt, egos fed, and the spirit would be buried under unhealthy thoughts and emotions.
Too many people are closed down and don’t have the capacity to love, but without love there is fear and where there is fear, there is anger. These negative emotions have a strong impact on the energetic body, as the vital life force becomes congested or depleted. Negative energy turns in to disease, but people don’t realize what’s happening until its too late so its important we cultivate more loving kindness in order to bring us back to our essential nature.
Being positive expands the heart, which produces more love and fills the entire energy body with divine light. It takes a lot more energy to be afraid or angry at someone, but loving someone is natural. Just think of a newborn baby. Imagine him smiling up at you with inquisitive eyes that tell the story of his soul. Feel his soft tiny little fingers against the warmth of your skin. See his little toes move around with such freedom and joy. Watch his belly rise and fall with every breath…so natural and free. Feel the love radiate from within this tiny little being as you hold him close to your heart.
When we are in the presence of a child, the ego seems to escape…freeing the mind from thought, role playing and the mistaken identities associated with the material world. Children bring us to a place of bliss…pure consciousness…utter joy…a place of stillness where silence breathes…the place where when you are in that place and I’m in that place, we are one.
That is the beauty of a child…he breathes love…taking us back to that place of interconnectedness. We need to open our hearts and send out more loving kindness to the world…to our families…to our friends…to our lovers…to everyone we meet. Love and positive thoughts will heal this planet…one soul at a time.
Let us honor the East and the new beginnings that await us…let us honor the paths that brought us here to this day and the paths that will take us through tomorrow and beyond…let us honor the power that lies within each and everyone of us…let us honor our beautiful loving open hearts…om shanti!