jump to navigation

New Delhi October 7, 2008

Posted by admin in : Travels Tags:, , , , , , , , , add a comment

I’m usually never at a loss for words yet every time I try and write about my trip to India, my mind shuts down and nothing wants to come out. I still feel a heaviness in my body and it’s unsettling. I’m usually pretty good with processing things that happen to me, but this trip seems to loom over me like a dark cloud. 

I wanted more than anything in this world to go to India and absolutely love it, but the truth of the matter is that I didn’t and I’m having a hard time admitting it. People are so excited when they ask me about my trip and they have the same light of curiosity and wonderment in their eye, as I had before I left, but I can’t lie nor deny my feelings. The trip was really hard and the truth be told…it wasn’t blissful and it wasn’t nirvana.  

I’ve traveled around the world and visited developing countries so I thought I was prepared to see all the suffering, but nothing could ever prepare someone for the level of poverty that exists in New Delhi. Next to Tokyo, India’s State Capital is the world’s most populous city at 17 million and an approximately 8% of the population live below the poverty line.  There are very few places in the world where poverty is so pervasive and the city so dingy and untidy.  The houses were crowded together side by side and all of them seemed ordinary and drab without a lot of color or creative architecture.

The airport was filthy and the bathrooms nauseating. There weren’t many Western style bathrooms available and if there were, they were usually worse than the Indian style where you literally squatted over a hole and then washed yourself with a hose and not the kind of hose you would find attached to bidet, but a garden hose attached to an old rusty spicket with a bucket beside it. Rarely would you find toilet tissue and the smell of human waste seemed to fill the entire city.

My senses were overloaded and my nervous system stimulated beyond repair. The air pollution was oppressive and the honking horns grating. I can still hear the horns of every car, bus, taxi and rickshaw. Everyone drove a million miles an hour and not necessarily in a straight line. Drivers blew their horns every time they passed another vehicle and there were hundreds of vehicles on the road at any given time so all you ever heard the moment you walked out of the hotel was the sound of horns blowing throughout the city.

There was never a moment of stillness. The hunger, poverty, and suffering were so overwhelming to see, as I’ve never witnessed so many kids living on the street begging for money. There was actually a tiny naked baby laying on the sidewalk beside her frail mother who was barely alive. People defecated on the street, live stock wondered freely, and stray malnutrition dogs ate out of vile dumpsters.

There was no fresh air to breathe and although we stayed at one of the nicest hotels in Delhi, the rooms smelled like moth balls and bed bugs were still looming in the mattresses. I slept with socks, long pants, long sleeves, ear plugs, and an eye pillow because I was afraid something would crawl across me in the middle of the night. I said a prayer every night before I went to bed and tried not to think about anything but falling asleep and as fast as I could.

The shopping bazaars were nothing like Western Style Shopping Malls. The streets were lined with vendors selling anything you could possibly imagine. Jewelry, saris, fabric, pillow coverings, prayer beads, incense, wall hangings, statues…you name it. The vendors would accost you and follow you down the street. They yelled out prices and haggled over everything and nothing was ever final. It was exhausting and completely overwhelming.

Some of the people in the group loved the energy and found it exciting to bargain with the natives, but I hated it. I had to be patient and not have a complete meltdown, but at one point there were probably 20 women surrounding us trying to sell us cashmere wraps. They were not only in my space, but breathing down my neck. Their voices kept escalating, as they pulled on our clothes and I wanted to respect the culture, but I had enough. I had to physically walk away and get some water because my heart was racing and I was about the have a full blown anxiety attack. 

Between the noise, the heat, and being exhausted, I was ready to drop. All I wanted to do was go back to the hotel and take a nap, but we got stuck waiting for one of the people in the group who went to get water and ended up negotiating with one of the vendors. My patience was gone and I was tired of being mobbed by women and children who were homeless and starving. I had to dig deep to find the ability to hold on, but somehow I managed persevere.

I never got my nap, but we did go out to a really nice dinner that evening. It was so refreshing after all the buffet meals we had been served with oils, heavy creams, and lots of sodium. The restaurant was in a beautiful hotel adorned with fresh flowers, beautiful paintings and ornate furniture. The meal was incredible and much welcomed after the long tiring day, but then we drove back through the streets of starvation and poverty where people were sleeping on the sidewalks and suddenly I felt guilty for the amazing meal I just had and for all the comforts of the West.

How does one process such devastation? How does one stop from feeling so sad and helpless? I was told the people weren’t suffering as much as I imagined because they didn’t know any different, but how is that possible? How can anyone be comfortable laying on the street starving to death?

It was absolutely heart wrenching and I had a really hard time dealing with it. The noise, the dirty air, the heavy food was all starting to get to me. I felt helpless and exhausted and physically heavy. My belly was bloated, my head ached, and my body tired. The one thing I tried to hold on to was the smiles of some of the people who didn’t have anything, but the clothes on their back. How they managed to still find some remnant of happiness was beyond me, but somehow they had something in their hearts that allowed them to show some sign of joy.  

 

 

Add a comment

India bound August 28, 2008

Posted by admin in : Fun Times Tags:, , add a comment

I don’t know if I told you about my trip to India, but I’m leaving Saturday for a meditation/yoga retreat. It has been a dream of mine to visit India ever since I began practicing yoga 8 years ago. I still can’t believe I’m actually going. I don’t think it will hit me until I’m there and then reality will set in as I will be a stranger in a foreign land. The hardest part will be the flight, but there’s no way around it. Thankfully I’m flying to Dubai first, which is only 16 hours. I fly the remaining 5 hours to New Delhi a couple days later so I’ll have some time in between flights.

I was just telling my girlfriends today at lunch how shocked I was at my present state of being. I never thought in a million years I would be this calm, cool and collected two nights before my trip. I’m usually running around taking care of last minute details up until the last possible moment yet here I am completely packed and ready to go. Why is this trip different? It’s not like I’m flying a couple states away. I’m flying to a country on the other side of the world.

Either the meditation and work I did during teacher training transformed me or I’m totally missing the boat on something. Seriously! My life is effortless and I’m absolutely blissed out of my mind, as I’m in such a beautiful place. I don’t think I’ve ever been this high before and I almost feel guilty for feeling this good. Is that wrong?

I still can’t believe I actually took the plunge and left corporate. It feels surreal to be doing what I absolutely love!!! It’s a joy to be able to share the gift of yoga and there is no better feeling than sitting in the energy of my students right after practice while they’re laying in savasana. It’s still weird to know I manifested this right in to reality, but every day it becomes more and more real.

I feel blessed more than you could possibly know and I have so much gratitude in my heart, as this beautiful dream provided a schedule which allowed me to get everything I needed to get done in enough time without having to stress or run around until the last minute. It’s amazing how a decision to follow my dream changed so many aspects of my life. Honoring myself opened a lot of doors and life just  fell in to place effortlessly without stress or struggle. Every day seems to flow like the wave of an ocean….like a beautiful dance beating to the sound of the universe. 

 I can’t even imagine the journey I’m about to take, but I look forward to watching each and every moment unfold. I will be sending my devoted readers loving energy as I’m meditating up in the Himalaya Mountains. I can’t even imagine what the energy must be like at the top of one of the world’s highest peaks. It must be incredible and I’m going to be sitting in silence feeling the beat of my own heart…what a rush!!! HA…some people can’t even stand to hear the sound of their own breath and here I am about to sit in my own essential nature with nothing, but absolute stillness.

Life is truly what you make of it so speak your truth and do something to honor your inner self. Find love within your heart and share it…with someone…with anyone…. smile at a stranger…make eye contact with someone you don’t know…hold the door for someone you’ve never met…just open your heart and share a part of you you’ve never shared. Let go of all the doing and open yourself up to simply being.

Honor the people you meet and truly listen to what they have to say…look into their eyes and be fully present. Go an entire day without saying anything negative and no matter what happens try and find the positive knowing that everything is happening just as it should. Trust in a higher power that exists within and all around you.  Don’t be hard on yourself or anyone else. Know that we are all here doing the best we can. Don’t judge or say anything hurtful. Be aware of the present moment…be aware of the love within you…be aware of the light in and all around you.

I will not have access to email while I’m away so please check back with me towards the end of September as I will have a lot to share. I will be sending you energy!!! All my love and a big woo hoo!!! Bon Voyage my friends!!! India, here I come…

Add a comment