Survival Instinct December 3, 2008
Posted by admin in : Gratitude Tags:dog attack, dog bite, emotional pain, forgiveness, physical pain, sutures, trauma, trust , add a commentThe night before Thanksgiving I received a phone call from my younger brother and I could tell by the tone of his voice that something was terribly wrong. My mom was in the emergency room. She just finished dinner with her husband and was admiring Gus, her beloved boxer/lab mix, as he licked the remains of the dessert bowl. She was proud to have such an amazing spirit in her life and there was definitely a lot of love between them, as she always treated him more like a friend than an animal. She wrapped her arms around his neck in a very loving way, which she had done a million times before, but for whatever reason he violently turned on her and attacked her face.
I’ve never in my entire life heard my mother so shaken, as she is one of the strongest people I know. She’s compassionate and loving, but she’s tough and it takes a lot for something to get to her. She has over 30 years experience as a critical care nurse, IV therapy nurse, oncology nurse, emergency nurse and as a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner. She is also a certified trauma expert specializing in post traumatic stress disorder so nothing phases this woman, as she is a rock when it comes to dealing with emotional and psychological trauma, but this affected her in a way I can’t even describe.
The muscle tissue in her face had to be reconstructed by a plastic surgeon and then the skin of her cheek sutured back on. She received a total of 100 stitches so she will have a scar that will be with her long after the bruising and swelling subside. The body has a miraculous way of shutting down around pain so the body initially went in to shock to protect her. The doctors then gave her lidocaine to numb the affected area and when it wore off she had prescription pain killers, but when it’s all said and done and the physical pain is gone, she will still be left with a deep emotional scar that might not ever heal.
I don’t know why this happened, but my mother had an incredible love for her dog and it will probably take her a really long time to trust him again. Gus was rescued from Hurricane Katrina so it was probably just his survival instincts kicking in from a time when he was starving on the streets and having to fend for himself, but understanding why doesn’t necessarily make it any better. I would be an absolute mess if something so devastating happened to me yet my mother got right back up and was able to face life almost immediately.
It wasn’t even 24 hours after the accident and she was trying to find the silver lining and the greater meaning in it all. Her focus was on the gifts of the experience and not on the tragedy of what happened. As a health care professional, she was impressed with the quality of service she received from the doctors and nurses. She was grateful Gus missed her lip, nose, and eye as it could have been a lot worse and she was actually thankful for the pain, as it meant no nerve damage. Most people I know would have put their dog down yet my mother was able to find compassion for Gus because she knew he felt terrible for what he did.
My mother believes that if we are afraid of pain or discomfort, we will never change. We have to be willing to embrace the chaos in our lives, listen to the pain, and transform it in to joy, as there are gifts in every challenge. She knows we are never given more than we can handle so she keeps fighting and if she falls down, she gets back up. If anyone ever had a reason to give up, it would be my mom, as she has lived through more grief than anyone I know, but somehow she perseveres. She is a fighter through and through and I am proud to be her daughter and I’m honored to know such a strong powerful spirit.
We should never take life for granted and we should be thankful for the gifts and all the beautiful blessings in our lives. Suffering will never cease to exist so we have to make the best of every situation. It’s the choices we make when life hands us a curve ball that truly make a difference. You hear so many people fall in to the trap of feeling sorry for themselves…always asking why…why is this happening to me, but it’s life and it happens…for better or for worse. We have to surrender and make peace with the chaos so don’t give up. Get back up and keep going.
Finding forgiveness August 1, 2008
Posted by admin in : Life 101 Tags:fire, forgiveness, innocent mistakes , add a commentI had an awesome day. I spent several hours on my new businss plan, I practiced yoga, I meditated, I went and taught a beautiful yoga class, I went to the grocery store and bought some fresh vegetables to make a nice healthy salad, I had a great conversation with my mother on the way home, and then I walked in to my house to find the kitchen pretty much on fire. The house was completely filled with smoke, I couldn’t see two feet in front of me and the smell was horrendous. I couldn’t breathe and it took me a second to realize what was happening.
Backing up about an hour and a half…I walked down the stairs to head out to teach my yoga class and saw my roommate was boiling a dozen eggs. This isn’t uncommon considering there are three girls here who love to eat hard boiled eggs. We pretty much eat them every day and you’ll usually always find one of us boiling eggs at some point in the week. The only difference was nobody was in the kitchen, but I thought, “hey…we’re all adults, right? She knows they’re there…she’s watching them…she’s probably just multitasking…no big deal.” I left and didn’t say anything to her, which I’m still kicking myself in the butt for not following my intuition and saying something, but such is life.
I have no idea what time she left the house, but the stainless steel pot boiled on high for the entire time I was gone. The carton of eggs exploded all over the house so there were eggs everywhere. The gas stove was still on high when I got home and the pot was burning away. I immediately turned off the stove, opened up all the windows, and then turned on the A/C to try and pull some of the smoke out. I left the house because I couldn’t breathe and headed over to my friend’s house. (Many thanks to Jill for taking me in, feeding me dinner, and having a glass of wine ready and waiting!)
I called the roommate who left the pot boiling, but she didn’t answer. I was upset with her carelessness and annoyed with her irresponsibility. I found myself judging her and not being compassionate. We’re not perfect, right? We all make mistakes and I surely wouldn’t want someone being upset with me over something I didn’t mean to do, but on the other hand, she could have burnt the house down. How could she be so careless?
I immediately thought back to the time I opened a bag of dark chocolate espresso beans in my boyfriend’s new vehicle and the bag totally busted out the bottom and all the beans came flying out. It was totally by accident, but he got really upset with me. He jumped out of the car, ran around to my side and starting picking them up agitatedly. He made me feel terrible and I will never forget feeling like a total idiot for something I didn’t mean to do.
Stuff happens…it’s life! What’s important is that we learn from our mistakes. Life is just a big playing field. Sometimes we hit home runs…sometimes we hit fowl balls. It is what it is and making someone feel worse about something they already feel terrible about doesn’t serve anyone. I could feel my roommate’s energy when I walked in to the door and I immediately wanted to put my arms around her because I knew she felt terrible for what happened. I know how that feels to know you’ve done something horribly wrong and not be able to do anything about it. What’s important is that she will never do it again…that’s for sure! To have made her feel worse would have been inhumane. We must learn to forgive more easily and leave room for error, as we are human after all.