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Breaking through the core May 29, 2008

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I have been doing a lot of work on myself and as a result, I’ve released a lot of emotional baggage. There are no words to describe the intensity of the spiritual journey I’ve been on or the things I’ve learned about myself in the process. There were times I just wanted to quit…end the journey…stop discovering and unveiling parts of myself I didn’t know were there. It was much easier when I wasn’t doing the work and just living day-to-day without an understanding of why things happen the way they do or the underlying reason why people behave in certain ways because let’s face it…ignorance is bliss.

Sometimes I wish I never had the  yearning to know more…to go further…to delve deeper, but there’s no turning back…the journey began years ago, as there was something inside me that wanted to know the deeper meaning of life and I didn’t want to settle for mediocrity…I wanted something greater. I didn’t know what that meant, but that’s where the journey began…it was in the wanting to know more that my awareness started to unfold. All anyone has to do is set the intention and the path is theirs.

The journey was downright painful at times and emotionally draining because you have to face yourself, which is no small mountain to climb. People want to blame others or throw themselves in to work or distract themselves rather than look in the mirror and face the fact that we are living through a false sense of self. It’s much easier to remain unconscious and walk around being attached to the emotional, mental and physical forms we identify as ourselves, but we are so much more and there’s great beauty in awakening to the place in us that is beyond form.

I’ve been peeling off layers of the onion for years, but the process was accelerated when I started teacher training back in October. I knew it was going to be a lot of work, but I was willing to put in the time because I wanted to be free from anything that was holding me back. I wanted to break down the walls I built around my heart to protect the genuine place in me where we are all one…where we connect as one pure consciousness. That part of us that is immediately veiled the moment we are given identities by those around us.  

Unfortunately it was a process because there were so many layers of crap I had to get through, but I think I was finally able to break through the molten core that hardened after so many years of protecting myself. Metaphorically speaking, I allowed the core to crack open as I dropped back in to the full wheel (see the “Emotional Release through Asana” post). The shattering I felt throughout my body was the armor falling away and it left me feeling vulnerable and open in a way I’ve never felt before. So many emotions came rushing to the surface…anger and resentment led the way and these emotions came out of nowhere, but I allowed myself to be with whatever came up, which gave me the freedom and space to finally let go and with that came a sense of freedom that was incomprehensible.

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Emotional Release Through Asana May 9, 2008

Posted by admin in : Yoga Tags:, , , , , , , , 1 comment so far

If you practice yoga long enough you will eventually experience what yogis call an “emotional release.” Strong emotions and repressed traumas create memories, which can be held in the body for years. Our bodies are incredibly intelligent and our conscious thoughts directly affect our subconscious mind. The old adage says we are what we eat and so goes the mind.  We are what we think.  If you harbor negative thoughts and emotions, there’s a high probability your life experiences will reflect the same. Think about it…you never hear a wealthy person saying how broke he is and you never see a person who says their always broke with money. We should all be more cognitive of our thoughts, as the mind is very powerful.

It’s important to know we are not just physical bodies…we have energetic bodies as well and when the flow of energy through the body is impeded by negatively charged emotions or destructive thought patterns, the cellular structure of our bodies become damaged resulting in disease and illness. People would rather put their emotions behind them than deal with the pain of feeling them, but your body doesn’t want to deal with them any more than you do. We hold on to a lot more than you think and the beauty of yoga is that it works on all levels whether you are conscious of it or not.

Just how an insect may get trapped in a spider’s web, emotional trauma can get entangled in the web of fascia that protects and isolates the muscles in the body. Aanas work with the breath to open the muscles and the connective tissue that envelope these parts of the body. Opening up and stretching this fascia, releases the emotions, which can be healing on many levels. If this stuff isn’t released, it will turn in to disease because it wants out and the body will do everything in it’s power to get rid of it.

It’s a very beautiful experience to open up and let go and yoga allows people to do this in a safe nurturing environment. Having an emotional release on the mat means your body is healing itself naturally. Even if you had a perfect childhood, there were moments when your needs weren’t met in some way or another. Emotions attached to these experiences and if the emotions had a strong enough charge, the likelihood of them being trapped in your body is very high. All of us have stuff that needs to be released. It’s just a matter of how we go about doing it. Some people prefer therapy…others energy work…and then there are those who just allow their bodies to get sick rather than deal with it, but there are so many tools availabe if you’re willing to do the work. Yoga is just one of those tools.

Similar to jumping off a mountain, a strong asana practice can push you to your limits, taking you beyond what you thought possible. It’s all about stepping out of your safety net and reaching a place to where you have no control and when you make the decision to take that kind of step, you find things out about yourself you never knew. I’ve had many emotional releases in my life and many of them have been through my yoga practice, but something happened to me the other night that was quite different from the rest. 

After doing two rounds of back bends, my teacher asked if anyone wanted to do a wall drop back. I had done many drop backs with the support of a teacher so I thought, “yeah, sure…why not…I can do it.” Keep in mind I had no idea what a wall drop back was, but I was feeling warm and a little bold so I thought, “Why not?” You stand with your back to the wall…about a foot in front…you put your hands on the wall above your head as if you were prepping to do a full wheel….you slowly begin to walk your hands down the wall as your feet walk forward…you do this until you walk yourself completely down the wall in to a full back bend.

Up until the half way point I was doing pretty good…it was challenging and I liked the fact that I was pushing myself to the edge,  but then all of a sudden I moved past the half way point and my body froze. I was stuck and I couldn’t move. I was literally terrified…scared to death. The only other time I remember feeling that way was  the first time I stepped off the side of a mountain looking my boyfriend square in the eyes knowing full well it could be the last time I ever saw him.

I came very close to screaming for my teacher, but then I thought, “I made it this far…I can do this…I’m going for it…” And there it was…the moment of truth…I took one more step out with my feet and then released one hand and then the other from the wall as both hands made contact with the mat beneath me and it was in that exact moment I felt an explosion of energy pour out from my heart and through my entire chest and then down my legs and arms. I just froze there in full wheel scared to death. I thought if I moved a single inch my entire body would  come crumbling down to the ground. I took a couple deep breaths and then moving slowly, released myself down one vertebrae at a time. The moment my entire back body was in full contact with the mat, I began to cry. 

I have no idea what I released or where it came from, but it was powerful and extremely healing and I felt like a new person that night. Whatever it was is gone and my body was able to do let go of it on a subconcious level without me ever knowing where it came from or why it was there so I encourage you to  come to the mat with the intention of letting go…releasing whatever it is in your body that wants/needs to go. It’s about making room for new energy and higher emotions. You will be amazed at the gifts you receive just by allowing yourself to heal in this way. Go ahead…break though…let go and heal.

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