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Rebirth November 5, 2009

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People often ask me if I’m ”always” happy and I can’t help, but laugh because I’m the most sensitive person on the planet. Just because I have a positive outlook on life and live everyday to it’s fullest, doesn’t mean I don’t go through rough periods or experience sadness or even bouts of depression. None of us are spared from the shadow. We just handle it differently and I, personally, choose to deal with it head on because I know that being sensitive and allowing myself to feel every passing emotion creates beautiful space and a shift in consciousness that brings about profound awareness and mental clarity. My journey is about exploring the inner truth that seeks to be sought, as I want to grow and learn as much as I can. 

The problem is that sometimes we don’t want to see the truth because often times it can be painful. For me most recently, it was realizing my dream to be married and have children might not ever happen. After finding myself in another relationship with someone who didn’t believe in the constitution of marriage, I knew it was time to face the fact that my journey might be something other than I had hoped. I just couldn’t continue thinking about it and dreaming about it while knowing I was in a relationship with someone who dreamed otherwise. The alternative was to leave a man I loved, but my feelings were too strong so I had to let go.

Letting it go didn’t happen overnight, as it took me revisiting it and going over it in my mind again and again. What made it so difficult was the ego telling me I didn’t deserve to be married or have a child, that I was being punished for something, which is just old programming and conditioning from the past. Our spirits know better because when it comes right down to it, we are all worthy of the absolute very best and if I were truly meant to get married or have a child, it would happen whether I obsessed about it or not so why not just let it go and be free?

Even though I finally found the emotional strength and confidence in myself to let it go, it wasn’t easy. When a person holds on to a dream for so long, it becomes a part of the body’s physiology and letting go of old patterns can illicit strong emotions so I went through a bout of depression. My spirit felt lost and my hope smothered by despair, but I knew that a huge spiritual transformation was about to occur so I had to allow myself to feel the sadness because the only way for a person to know light is to know dark. 

In order to shine out from within, you have to be willing to sit in the shadow and endure a little suffering or heartache in order to really awaken and open your eyes to a higher truth. The more in touch you can get with your pain, the more in touch you will be with life, but that means getting to know it, being one with it, feeling it on every level. Once feelings surface, they can be released and what remains is a new sense of direction and a greater understanding of self and how it relates to the world.

Life is about living and dying, as one cannot be with the other just like the sun cannot be without the moon or the day without night. When something begins to shift energetically, you have to be patient because in order for transformation to occur, you have to be willing to let go of old thought patterns…old ideas…old social and cultural programming. This can feel like death in a way, but once the dark shadow clears, an absolutely radiant light fills the soul and you feel a sense of freedom you’ve never felt before. 

I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow or the next day. I just know right here right now and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and the freest I’ve ever felt.  I’m creating my own destiny now…what I want…what I need…what I deserve and it feels so good not to be trapped behind a fairytale anymore. I wish more people were committed to the journey because the shift in global consciousness would be a collective uprising of positive energy that would have such a huge impact on the world.

People just need to stop following the minds of others and have more confidence in themselves, as people tend to beat to the sound of our culture’s drum just going with the flow like puppets being pulled by the strings of politics and media. I realize it’s much easier to follow traditions and societal riches than to do the work necessary to grow spiritually, but we’re never going to evolve as a culture if we remain stuck in the old way of doing things.

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The Intimadated Teacher August 19, 2008

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Wow, wow, WOW!!! I’m flying high right now…blissed out of my mind!!! I just taught my first class at Peachtree Yoga Center, which is where I got certified and a highly regarded studio in the Greater Atlanta area. Peachtree offers a loving environment that supports all levels and abilities and anyone who takes a class there knows the beautiful energy that emanates from the heart of each and every teacher.

It was definitely a dream of mine to teach there, but I never thought in a million years it would happen so quickly. I mean seriously…me…working at Peachtree? No way! I’m not nearly experienced enough to teach at PEACHTREE…maybe someday after I’ve been teaching for a while, right? No, how ridiculous! I need to change these old self-defeating thought patterns. They do not serve me!!!

I was scared to death to sub the class and I came close to bailing out, but I knew the only reason I was even thinking about it was because of fear and I wasn’t about to let fear hold me back. I knew if I wanted to do this for a living I had to jump in head first and go for it, which meant not turning down any opportunities…Peachtree or otherwise. 

My stomach was in knots all day and my head was buzzing with ridiculous thoughts like, “What if I forget everything I was ever taught or come up blank when I go to speak? What if I can’t think of enough poses to do?” What if, what if, what if??? You should have heard me driving myself crazy. It was absolutely ridiculous, but it was just my ego trying to gain some momentum. 

You can imagine how elated I was to not only finish the entire class with ease, but to get positive feedback from the students. I couldn’t believe it. I did it…I really did it!!! I taught my first class at Peachtree and it was an absolute honor!!! I’ve never been more proud of myself in my entire life and I’ve never been happier as I sat there on the mat watching the last person walk out of class. I looked around the empty space feeling the beautiful energy circulating throughout the room and then nodded my head with a great big smile across my face.

I drove home singing my little heart out and giggling like a little girl. I felt overwhelmed with gratitude and not just for the class, but for everything that was happening around me. My dream was unfolding right before my eyes. Although I dreamed it, there was a small part of me that didn’t think it was ever going to be possible and here I was no longer dreaming it, but living it. I was doing it…teaching yoga full time…working a flexible schedule…having independence and freedom…doing what I loved and loving what I was doing…it was everything I manifested and more.

Life just keeps getting better and better and my heart keeps feeling more and more joy. There is so much love in my heart and there is such gratitude for all the blessings in my life. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my entire life. I feel so blessed and I wish this for the world…this happiness…this peace…this absolute sheer joy. Namaste!

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Manifest and Believe August 9, 2008

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I can’t even begin to explain how excited I am about starting my own business. I’ve dreamed about this day for as long as I can remember and now it’s here and it feels surreal. It’s absolutely mind-blowing! For years I sat by and watched people follow their dreams and be successful. They seemed to find the one thing they were good at or most passionate about and started a business doing the thing they loved. I was surrounded by creative geniuses and yet I was in corporate doing something I didn’t really enjoy.

I knew I wanted to have my own business more than anything in this world, but I wasn’t specialized in anything so I use to beat myself up for not being good at any one thing and I would constantly struggle trying to figure out what I could do, but it wasn’t meant to be “figured out.” It was there the whole time…trying to get the mind to understand it was only pushing it further away. It wasn’t until I let go of it and was in the middle of teacher training one day totally in the moment that it popped into my head. I remember the moment of clarity like it was yesterday. It was like a bolt of lightening hit me. I heard a little voice say, “Yoga…that’s it…yoga…that is what you are suppose to be doing.” How did I miss something so obvious? It made perfect sense.

I was blissed out for the next couple of days just thinking about how good it would feel to leave corporate and teach yoga, but then a voice in my head started telling me I was crazy for thinking I could teach yoga for a living…it would never work. I felt discouraged and stupid for thinking I could start my own business. There was a lot more going on than what was happening on the surface. The truth was I didn’t feel good enough…I didn’t think I deserved it. Something happened somewhere along in my life to make me think I wasn’t good enough.

Sometimes the thing that inhibits us from making our dreams come true doesn’t have anything to do with what’s going on in the moment at hand. It has everything to do with old programming and thought patterns from when we were younger. They become so imbedded in to our psyche that we aren’t even conscious of them anymore. They become a part of our identity, but not our pure conscious identity…the ego identity. 

If you don’t feel good about yourself then something other than your loving spirit is speaking to you. The voices that make us feel bad about ourselves come from being emotionally hurt, but the moment you bring awareness to the old patterns holding you back, the old energy loses power and you to start to awaken in a way you never dreamed possible. Sometimes it’s not easy and you have to do a little work to figure out what’s going on, but the journey is well worth it.

I can’t tell you what path to take to find yourself because it is different for everyone, but what I can tell you is that all you need to do is set the intention to let go of anything that is no longer serving you or preventing you from achieving your highest spiritual good and you will be led accordingly. I promise! All you have to do to make your dream a reality is believe and I mean truly believe, but if you don’t think you deserve what you’re manifesting or you don’t think you’re good enough, you won’t be able to believe.

I’m here to say that you are good enough and you do deserve. I don’t care who you are or what you do. Everyone deserves their dreams to come true so follow the self-defeating voice…go in…meet the demon face-to-face and conquer the limiting thought patterns that have kept you at bay for so long. Come back knowing you deserve the absolute best and know that you are good enough…then sit back and watch the magic unfold. I’m telling you from experience…all you have to do is manifest and believe…truly believe…it will happen!

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Teaching yoga…full time August 6, 2008

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Two weeks ago I was still sitting at a crossroads trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life. My dream was to write and teach yoga, but a little voice in my head kept telling me I couldn’t survive teaching yoga…I wouldn’t make any money. I was use to a corporate salary, paid time off, and benefits. Every time I thought about starting my own business doing the thing I love the most, I would get this tinge of excitement in my belly, but then this pestering little voice would come back and start telling me I was crazy…go back to corporate.

I was offered two different positions will well known companies in the Orlando area, which is where I use to live. My little brother is still there, as well as, my beautiful tribe of women. I also have a niece on the way so taking either position would have made it possible for me to see her all the time. It was a done deal, right? I had two concrete offers sitting on the table, which meant I could move back to Orlando with all my friends in an environment I was already comfortable, I would have income coming in right away, and life would be great, right?

No! I hate Orlando. It’s flat, hot, and uninteresting. I lived there for 8 years and couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I absolutely love Atlanta and didn’t want to leave. My heart would fill  with an incredible sadness every time I thought about moving. My life was in Atlanta…my yoga studio and teachers…my spiritual network…my homeopathic doctors… my energy healer. Why would I even think about leaving? I’ll tell you why. I was scared…scared of not finding a job in Atlanta and making it financially.

I wasn’t trusting myself or the divine powers to be. The only reason I was even thinking about moving to Orlando was because it was immediate income and it was easy. You should never make a decision based out of fear or because it’s the easy thing to do. If you are, you are making the decision for the wrong reasons.  Once I stopped and asked myself, “What would you do if you could do absolutely anything you wanted and there was nothing stopping you,” I knew. I would write and teach yoga.

So there it was…the moment of truth. I turned down both jobs and then verbally stated to the Universe that I was going to stay in Atlanta, teach yoga, write in my blog, and I wasn’t going to starve doing it. I was being called to bring yoga to corporate, as I witnessed firsthand the stress people faced on a day-to-day basis and I saw the beautiful gifts yoga brought to employees in the work place. I knew in my heart it was what I was suppose to be doing so I had to trust, let go, and go for it. As soon as I made the decision and I mean AS SOON AS I made the decision, my whole life turned around.

I’ve never been more clear about anything in my whole life. It’s time for me to do what I love and love what I do. There’s no better feeling in the world than to have clarity on something as overwhelming as trying to figure out what you want to do with your life. Mental barriers are hard to get through, but when you do, it’s like a bolt of lightening comes out of the sky and fills you with a sense of knowing that is clear as day. It’s as if someone lifted the veil and you can finally see…FINALLY! It’s empowering and livens you in a way I can’t even begin to describe. I’m here to tell you if you follow your dreams and you make conscious decisions that contribute to your overall well being, the universe will support you 100%.

Do not let fear stop you from doing something you love. Open your heart and follow your dream. I promise you it’s possible. You have to honor yourself first and foremost. The universe can’t help you if you can’t help yourself and sometimes you have to dig through the sludge to get to where you’re going, but once you get there, you would trudge through it again 10 times over if you knew the end result was the same…it feels that good!

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