Breaking through the core May 29, 2008
Posted by admin in : Spiritual Growth Tags:awareness, emotional release, pure consciousness, spiritual journey , trackbackI have been doing a lot of work on myself and as a result, I’ve released a lot of emotional baggage. There are no words to describe the intensity of the spiritual journey I’ve been on or the things I’ve learned about myself in the process. There were times I just wanted to quit…end the journey…stop discovering and unveiling parts of myself I didn’t know were there. It was much easier when I wasn’t doing the work and just living day-to-day without an understanding of why things happen the way they do or the underlying reason why people behave in certain ways because let’s face it…ignorance is bliss.
Sometimes I wish I never had the yearning to know more…to go further…to delve deeper, but there’s no turning back…the journey began years ago, as there was something inside me that wanted to know the deeper meaning of life and I didn’t want to settle for mediocrity…I wanted something greater. I didn’t know what that meant, but that’s where the journey began…it was in the wanting to know more that my awareness started to unfold. All anyone has to do is set the intention and the path is theirs.
The journey was downright painful at times and emotionally draining because you have to face yourself, which is no small mountain to climb. People want to blame others or throw themselves in to work or distract themselves rather than look in the mirror and face the fact that we are living through a false sense of self. It’s much easier to remain unconscious and walk around being attached to the emotional, mental and physical forms we identify as ourselves, but we are so much more and there’s great beauty in awakening to the place in us that is beyond form.
I’ve been peeling off layers of the onion for years, but the process was accelerated when I started teacher training back in October. I knew it was going to be a lot of work, but I was willing to put in the time because I wanted to be free from anything that was holding me back. I wanted to break down the walls I built around my heart to protect the genuine place in me where we are all one…where we connect as one pure consciousness. That part of us that is immediately veiled the moment we are given identities by those around us.
Unfortunately it was a process because there were so many layers of crap I had to get through, but I think I was finally able to break through the molten core that hardened after so many years of protecting myself. Metaphorically speaking, I allowed the core to crack open as I dropped back in to the full wheel (see the “Emotional Release through Asana” post). The shattering I felt throughout my body was the armor falling away and it left me feeling vulnerable and open in a way I’ve never felt before. So many emotions came rushing to the surface…anger and resentment led the way and these emotions came out of nowhere, but I allowed myself to be with whatever came up, which gave me the freedom and space to finally let go and with that came a sense of freedom that was incomprehensible.
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