Awake AGAIN! August 22, 2009
Posted by admin in : Yoga , trackbackIt was 2:30am and suddenly I was wide awake…thinking and analyzing and listening to the mind tell the same story over and over again like a broken record. It wouldn’t be so bad if the early wake-up call was a single isolated incident, but every other night for 3 weeks had me flustered. I tried the yoga postures I knew for calming, I tried eating raw honey, which is known to induce sleep, and I tried slow deep rhythmic breathing, but none of the holistic remedies worked and I was tired of tossing and turning so I finally got up at 4am.
I worked on my book for a bit, but when the words started to blur across the screen, I went for a 2 hour bike ride and watched the sun come up over the hazy horizon. I went down to the river and meditated and then came home and made a pot of coffee. I drank a couple cups with breakfast, read some of my book and it was still only 8:30am. It felt like an entire day had passed and I still had a full day ahead of me. I was exhausted, but couldn’t sleep and my mind was still streaming with thought.
I needed some love and a nice gentle yoga class to calm the stress I was feeling in my mind, in my heart, and in my body so I took off to the studio. I was looking forward to the practice because one of my friends was teaching and I really needed to be in her energy and in the company of someone who understood me and could relate to my fragile state of mind. I knew everything would be okay once I got on the mat, but when my friend didn’t show up to teach I was a bit disenchanted.
I spent the next 90 minutes annoyed. I detested every pose and I hated having to hold them longer than my body wanted. The music did not resonate with me nor did the tone of the teacher’s voice. I was miserable all around and just wanted the class to end, but time seemed to stand still. I was irritated and grumpy and became more and more irked as the clock ticked by.
My best friend called me on the way home to see how I was doing and catch up, but she was met with petulance, as I was exasperated from the class. I apologized and told her I was just tired from getting up so early and didn’t mean to be so cranky. My tantrum and attempt to hide what was really going on didn’t deter her, as she knew full well something else was going on so she did what any best friend would do and asked me what was really going on?
That’s all it took for the walls to fall and tears to stream down my face, as pure raw emotion poured out of my heart. We always get what we need on the mat and although it can feel painful in the moment or uncomfortable energetically, the spirit is working on an extremely deep level. It’s not our job to judge the teacher or the practice or have expectations. It’s just our job to show up and be present with whatever arises. Perhaps if the teacher I wanted was there or the class more gentle, I wouldn’t have had the chance to release the emotions I was harboring.
Comments»
no comments yet - be the first?