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Is Marriage Overrated? April 24, 2009

Posted by admin in : Relationships, Uncategorized Tags:, , , , 1 comment so far

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Why do so many people think marriage is overrated? Could it be because they’ve already experienced it and no longer need or want that kind of commitment in their life or is it that they had a bad experience and don’t want to feel hurt or loss again? Whatever the reason, it truly saddens me every time I hear someone say, “Why get married?” or “Don’t get married…everything changes.”

I believe in the sacred union of two people coming together to share their life and I believe in love…the kind of love that grows deeper every day…the kind of love that makes you want to do right in your life…the kind of love that makes your heart smile every time you look at the person you love…the kind of love that makes you want to get out of bed in the morning…the kind of love that gets you through the hard times and picks you up when life gets you down…the kind of love that has no boundaries…the kind of love that enables you to trust…the kind of love that makes you want to treat someone with respect…the kind of love that is eternal and sacred in the eyes of your higher self.

I don’t necessarily believe in having one eternal soul mate because people change and grow in different directions. I think we may have several loves in our life and that it’s okay to open our hearts more than once. Divorce isn’t a bad thing and I don’t think it’s bad to be married more than once. Relationships are beautiful and they shouldn’t have to end in tragedy. It’s just a separating of ways. Take the gifts and the beautiful lessons you learned from the relationship and walk away with an appreciation of the time you spent, but don’t say marriage is overrated. Of course everything changes…you’re married…you’re committed in a way you weren’t before. You’re more intertwined spiritually, emotionally, intellectually. You’re making a serious commitment to one another, which is sacred and meaningful in so many ways.

Making that kind of change in your life is difficult and challenging, as you are no longer growing individually, but collectively with another soul. It takes two very strong people to make that kind of step in life, but think about all the growth and insight you get from sharing your life so intimately. You get the opportunity to learn about yourself on a different level, as you grow and discover things about yourself you didn’t know. The downside is that yes, you might have to sacrifice the relationship because you’re no longer compatible once you realize who you really are, but it doesn’t make it a “loss.”

Having said all that, I do believe you get to a point in life when you are so comfortable with who you are as a person that it’s possible to  meet someone and spend the rest of your life with that one person because you no longer need someone to fill a void in your life. Once you find yourself, you can experience life with another person in a whole different way, but you have to be confident in yourself and where you’re going and what you’re doing.

You have to be willing to own your own karmic baggage and not to use blame or guilt or issues to point fingers. You have to know how to communicate and be able to trust in yourself and your partner. You have to mutually respect one another and honor the relationship as something dynamic and ever changing. You have to accept your partner for who they are and not judge them or ask them to change. You have to be comfortable in your own skin and take time for yourself. It is possible and it’s not always easy, but marriage is a beautiful opportunity to fully engage with another human being on a healthy mature level. It’s magical and I don’t think it’s overrated. I think it’s fantastically beautiful!

So this is where my blog was going to end, but then I had a conversation with someone later in the evening that led me to ask the following questions:

Why get married? Why can’t you have a deep meaningful connection and level of commitment without having to legalize it by an ordained minister? Why can’t two people have a ceremonious relationship without actually having to be married?

Hmm…I don’t have an answer, but the thought of never being married makes me a bit sad. Perhaps it was always about the dream of wearing a beautiful white dress and walking down the aisle and being a princess for the day. Perhaps it was just the Cinderella fairytale I read in a book. I don’t know, but I have enough friends who are happily married to know that it’s a wonderful experience to be married to the person you love and I will not lose hope or faith in happily ever after.

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