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A Home Practice July 30, 2008

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Two weeks and my neck injury continues to offer new insights about myself and my practice. I went to a couple yoga classes after my teacher convinced me to get back on the mat, but I felt restricted as to what I could do. I pushed myself a little too hard because I was in a class setting where I was use to moving through the asanas with strength and vigor.

I spend a lot of time telling my students to be gentle with their body…honoring wherever they’re at…allowing the breath to take them deeper. I tell them yoga isn’t a performance-based practice. It’s not about being perfect or competitive. It’s not about pushing beyond the edge. It’s about compassion, understanding, and honoring the body.

I hear myself telling my students this yet here I am in class trying to push myself farther than I need to go. I’m just so use to working my body hard that sometimes I forget what first pulled me to yoga and the benefits I’ve seen from moving slower and more consciously. Yoga provides so many more benefits than most exercise regimens because it incorporates all the major muscle groups providing strength and balance for the body in a way other workouts can’t provide. I, like so many other people, are conditioned to think we need to sweat and be out of breath before our bodies get a workout, but that is not the case. I’ve actually seen my body transform more through yoga than any other workout I’ve ever done…kickboxing, taekwondo, aerobics, running…you name it.

I practice here and there on my own and it always feels good, but never like it does going to a class. I know it’s because I don’t give it a chance. I never treat it like a real class. I just sit and stretch without tuning in to my body and allowing my intuition to move me through a full practice. I’ve been telling myself for months to roll out the mat, but for some reason I was resisting. I fell in to a habit of going to classes taught by other teachers because I felt like I couldn’t get the same experience at home. I wanted a work out and if I didn’t get a work out then I wasn’t going to do it. Right? Have you ever told yourself the very same thing? That’s the ego and how silly. I knew better than that yet I still couldn’t get myself on the mat so the Universe gave me a little push.

I went to sub a class for a friend of mine and ironically nobody showed up so there I was in this big open room sitting on my yoga mat with nothing to do, but practice yoga. That’s what I call cosmic humor! Since I had  to be there the entire time, I decided to treat it like a real class. I moved slowly…mindfully…in a place of silence…just me, my breath, and my body moving rhythmically from one pose to the next. I practiced for over an hour and it felt amazing. I left feeling high and I realized something very beautiful. The yoga high we get from practicing yoga doesn’t come from the teacher…it comes from the place of stillness that rests just beneath the busy mind. It comes from being fully present in the body and being mindful of the breath.   

Attending class is great, but there needs to be a home practice to fully appreciate the teacher within. It’s about balance and bringing both in to your life. You are the one who comes to the mat…whether the mat is at home, in a studio, or out in nature somewhere. You need to be able to intuitively know what your body needs and move from a place of knowing instead of a place of doing. Honor yourself by getting on the mat and listening to the place within you. A good teacher knows her body and what her body needs so delve in and listen to the greatest master of all…you!

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Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture July 28, 2008

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How is it that 6 million people have viewed Randy Pausch’s “Last Lecture” and I just heard about it for the first time this weekend when someone mentioned his passing? Should I be embarrassed for not knowing the name, “Randy Pausch” or just be thankful that his message came at the right moment in my life…a moment I needed to hear some inspiring uplifting words of encouragement about living your life as true to yourself as possible? He said, “It’s not about how to achieve your dreams. It’s about how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dreams will come to you.” Sometimes life happens that way…messages cross your path when you are ready to hear them…signs and spiritual guidance are given to you when you are ready to receive them.

I was totally moved by the Last Lecture and Randy’s words spoke to me in a way I needed to hear. The two things that stood out the most were the comments he made surrounding challenges that cross our path. He said, “Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.” Isn’t that the truth? How often do we get frustrated because something isn’t happening or working out the way we intended. We get stuck in the negative disposition of what is happening instead of what’s not happening and the irony is that the gift is usually in what’s not happening. It’s about letting go and trusting that something beautiful is happening whether or not we are aware of it. If we always got exactly what we wanted in the exact way we wanted it, how fun would our lives be and how much would we really grow?

The other thing he said, “Brick walls are not there to keep us out…they are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something.” I know this to be true and from years of experience. Almost every gift in life came from breaking down some sort of wall and I’m not saying that life has to be hard in order for you to gain any value from it. I’m just saying the road blocks in our life are there to teach us something…to make us work a little harder…to show us how important our dreams are to us…to show us our own strength. If you just quit and walked away from every wall ever placed before you, where would you be in your life? How successful would you be? How much would you truly appreciate your life?

If you aren’t part of the 6 million people who already watched the “Last Lecture, ” then you might want to take the 76 minutes it takes to watch it. Randy is someone we can all learn and grow from. He’s months away from dying of pancreas cancer yet he’s vibrant, full of laughter, having fun, and refusing to die feeling sad or sorry for himself. He’s being true to every moment and he’s speaking his truth as he knows it from real life experience. He’s not using the time to get attention or any sort of spotlight. He’s not playing the victim or trying to play the martyr. He’s just a noble man humbly sharing the story of his life and what he thinks is important to live a successful life.

What a remarkable story!

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Yoga for Corporate July 27, 2008

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I spent 11 years in Real Estate and Facilities Management so I understand how the corporate world operates and the everyday demands that are placed upon people in organizations expected to perform. Our world is already chaotic and teeming with personal responsibilities without the additional stress from pressure and expectations at work.  There are deadlines to meet, long hours to work, executives and shareholders to impress, projects to juggle, policies and procedures to uphold, pressure to perform and people to make happy.

It’s no wonder people are completely overwhelmed. Stress is killing our society and draining our spirit as a collective whole. Evidence is quickly accumulating to suggest stress is related to cardiovascular disease, musculoskeletal disorders, psychological disorders, work place injuries, cancer, and impaired immune function. The Journal of Occupational & Environmental Medicine stated that employees with high levels of stress incur 50% more health care expenses than those without. Think about that for a moment. What is that doing to a company’s bottom line?

Many companies are starting to look at the rise in health care cost, absenteeism, the moods and energy level of their employees, productivity, and work compensation claims. They are looking for solutions and yoga is becoming more and more widespread as a means to address some of these issues. Yoga use to be viewed as “stretching for old people,” but as it’s becoming more mainstream, people are starting to recognize the insurmountable benefits associated with the practice. In fact, Nike, HBO, Forbes, and Apple all see the benefit of yoga and offer on-site classes as a regular employee benefit. 

It’s a lot more than just stretching. It can be physically challenging in a way you wouldn’t expect, as it strengthens, tones and lengthens muscles you wouldn’t normally use in any other exercise regimen. It increases flexibility, promotes cardio and circulatory health, brings mental clarity, sharpens concentration, boosts self-confidence, centers attention, and relieves symptoms of potentially life threatening illnesses; such as arthritis, chronic fatigue, diabetes, asthma, and obesity. There are numerous other benefits, which can be found at the following link, but the bottom line is yoga is an innovative approach to managing stress. 

Companies who bring yoga in to the work place are going to see a team of healthier employees with a happier disposition. Employees will be more rested, have more awareness and will not be as affected by the happenings of the day. They will make better decisions because they will not feel as burdened by their daily responsibilities. They will have more energy throughout the day and will be able to better focus on their projects. They will be more creative and not as distracted. Their communication skills will sharpen. Not only will work performance improve, there will be an increase in the overall effectiveness of the team. Companies will not only boost morale, they will ultimately boost the bottom line.

There’s no reason for corporations to pay a fortune in health insurance premiums and potential claims. Many insurance companies are actually offering reduced rates to organizations who offer some type of wellness program to their employees so check with your provider. Offering yoga as an employee benefit will cost you a nominal amount compared to what you’ll save in the long run and you will have a more harmonious environment for people to perform.

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Happy!!! July 25, 2008

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Hello, hello!!! I know I’m infamous for being succinct, right? HA! Well, this post WILL be short…promise. I just wanted to share with you how happy I am and for absolutely no reason. It’s not because of a boy or an amazing job or because of something that happened yesterday or something that is going to happen tomorrow. I’m just happy…here…now…in the precious moment of today. It feels great to be this happy and for absolutely no reason at all…life is good my friends…life is good!

I’m headed off to my friend’s lakehouse, which I heard is absolutely beautiful. It will feel good to be surrounded by mother nature. I want to share my bliss and give some of that love back to our divine mother. I will wake to the birds singing and the silence of the still lake. It will be a new “now”…a new moment created. I cherish these moments as they are life. It’s not what already happened or what is about to happen…it’s about what’s happening right now so I encourage you to stop for a minute, take a slow mindful deep breath, exhale as slow as you possibly can, and just feel in to the beautiful moment that has created enough space around you to simply “be.” Be as you are…beyond thought…beyond emotion…beyond sensed perceptions…the you beyond all content.

Have a beautiful weekend and know that you are loved!!!

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Getting back on the mat July 24, 2008

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My teacher sent me a powerful email, which spoke to me on a deep level. Without going in to detail, she basically told me I needed to get back on the mat and as soon as possible. She was right. I allowed fear to overwhelm me when the doctor said I couldn’t practice because of my injury. I felt hopeless and defeated and I allowed myself to fall in to a place of feeling sorry for myself. I tried to find the beauty in what was happening, but I lost myself and allowed lower emotions to take over. 

Anger, fear, and hurt are emotions that will snowball if permitted. All you need to do is give them a little power by focusing on them and they will destroy you in a minute…flattening you like a human crepe. All it takes is the ego creeping in with negative thoughts and you’ll find yourself spinning out of control. It’s an awful feeling to feel powerless, but sometimes all you have to do is be aware of what’s happening and then you can gain back some momentum. If you try and repress what you’re going through then you’ll probably sit in the drama a little longer than if you surrender and let go.

All you need sometimes is a reminder of who you are and what you are capable of and then suddenly you’re up and running again. A sliver of light comes through and you start to remember your purpose and drive. My teacher’s email was the ray of light, as she reminded me of something very important. She said, “Use your injury to be a better teacher and your neck shouldn’t stop you from teaching or doing yoga…you can’t let it stop you…not as important as yoga is to you…so I say to you get back on the mat…” She reminded me I was a healer and needed to sit down and do some energy work on myself. Why are we the last to heal ourselves? We’re always about teaching and healing and doing right by others, but then we leave ourselves high and dry.

She was right. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and got back on the mat. Of course I was limited as to what I could do, but I was moving and breathing and opening myself up instead of getting stuck in the trauma around my neck. Sometimes you have to make a choice…do I want to be a victim or do I want to truly heal and move past the thing that is holding me back. Fear will paralyze you and hold you down so let go and surrender so you can rise above the thoughts to that place of pure consciousness where true healing can begin.

I meditated and then did some self pranic healing. I cleansed my room with sage and then rolled up my mat and went to bed. I woke up feeling empowered and more alive than ever. The victim was gone…there was no more feeling sorry for myself. It was a new day and I was ready to conquer the world. My grounding was back and I vowed to use my injury as a beautiful gift to relate to people and the limitations they face. What happened to me is helping me understand my body more and be more gentle with myself as I flow in and out of poses. It is making me more aware of myself and my students. Injuries help us cultivate more compassion and loving kindness so stop feeling sorry for yourself, roll out your mat, and practice. Be gentle with yourself and make space around the injury…do not become the injury! Namaste

 

  

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Letting go of what no longer serves you July 22, 2008

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A New Earth

At what point do you just stop and say, “enough…I’m through…I’m done…this no longer servers me?” We spend so much of our time doing stuff or making decisions that aren’t good for us. Why do we do it? We know it’s bad…it feels bad yet we continuously put ourselves through the same hurt over and over again. Whether its eating food that’s not good for us or drinking too much alcohol or consuming drugs or staying in a relationship that no longer serves us.

I don’t have the answers, but everyday I’m learning more and more how to say, “no” to what no longer serves me and “yes” to what does. How do we know what serves us? I think if it feels good in your heart than it serves you, but if it doesn’t feel good than you have to know deep down that it isn’t good for you. The problem is when something feels good, but on a superficial level. To some people drinking is fun. You forget about stress and have a good time, but the stress is still there and you wake up feeling like crap and somehow the stress feels worse.

I spent many years not knowing my limit and would drink until I was wobbling around like Bambi. I would wake up feeling terrible…nauseous and hung-over, but it was fun at the time, right? I finally realized I didn’t want to be that person anymore. It wasn’t serving me…it wasn’t making me feel good so I made the conscious decision to change what I was doing. We all have the power within us to make the necessary changes to make us feel good inside, but that means making better decisions in our life.

I also think we do things that no longer serve us because it feels safe…its comfortable. One of the hardest things you can do is walk away from something or someone because you know somewhere deep within yourself it’s the right thing to do. It’s not what you “want” to do, but what’s “best” for you. I think it takes an incredible strength to honor yourself in that way and you have to know the Universe will support any decision you make that is for your higher good. It is so much easier to stay in a relationship than it is to walk away…to continue going out and getting annulated…to keep eating the crap that makes us gain weight and feel tired and sluggish.

Of course it’s easier…it feeds the ego and the ego is powerful…it can take complete control over you. I’ve seen it happen and it breaks my heart to know a person’s beauty…what they’re heart is capable of…to know their spirit…to know the love in their heart, but to see a completely different side…a side that is so blind to who they truly are. We’ve all had that “friend” who was in a bad relationship, but couldn’t walk away…you knew they were better than that…you knew they deserved better yet there they were going back for more…more pain…more struggle…more heartache. What is it in people that blind them from seeing the truth…from seeing who they are and what they deserve? It’s years of conditioning…it’s years of the egoic mind feeding off of so much negativity.

There comes a point in time in every one’s life where you have to make a decision. Are you going to continue down the same destructive path or are you going to make a decision to move in a different direction? You have to honor yourself…your spirit…if you are not happy you are the only person who can change it. Don’t sacrifice yourself because it’s easier to stay in a relationship…easier to drink that 10th cocktail…easier to eat the greasy burger. You are better than that and you deserve better…you deserve to be happy. Life is too short to make those kind of sacrifices.

Pay attention to the questions you hear yourself ask…questions like, “What am I doing? Why am I allowing this? I deserve better than this…how did I get here?” These are coming from your true essential nature…your spirit. Your ego is the one who comes in and tries to rationalize…convincing you to stay and continue down the path that doesn’t serve you. I wish I could describe the ego as beautifully as Eckhart Tolle in A New Earth. He is an absolutely amazing author…brilliant in his understanding of life.

He is someone who truly “gets it!” He knows the truth…he speaks the truth…he is the truth. It’s incredible how he’s able to explain the ego and the part it plays in our life. I think everyone in this world needs to read his book, but the reality is that everyone isn’t ready to read his book and so there are people who wouldn’t get what he’s trying to say even if they tried. I’m learning that people have to be ready to open their eyes to that kind of awareness and if they aren’t ready than you have to honor the place they are in and just keep being your own light. I wish I could give the gift of conscious awareness to everyone, but the hard cold truth is that I can’t.

 

 

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Mad at the world July 21, 2008

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I just went through 9 months of teacher training. I explored the dark sides of myself. I unveiled layers upon layers of the proverbial onion. I worked through intense emotional traumas I experienced as a child. I worked through layers of personal stuff that built up over the years. I finally got to the core of my being where there was silence and beauty. I formed a sense of awareness I never had before. I awakened to the pure consciousness that sat just beneath the busy egoic mind. I learned about the ego and the roles and identities I was hiding behind. I became more alive than ever before. I felt like a silent warrior resting upon a peaeful lotus. I was there…on top of the world…manifesting and creating the perfect life full of love and light and absolute joy. I was convinced I would be there forever…never to feel anger or fear again.

Then life came and slapped me in the face…waking me from such silly ridiculous nonsense. Suddenly I was unemployed, teacher training ended, dark emotions from the past rekindled, the anger and hurt surrounding my relationship resurfaced, the realization that my stuff was in storage and I was renting a room from someone when most people my age had mortgages and spouses and children set it. I didn’t know what I was doing or where I was going, I was hit by a drunk driver and couldn’t practice yoga, I was lost, alone, and scared. I felt like the whole world was crashing down around me and I didn’t even have the energy to stand up and fight and I’m a fighter. I’ve fought my whole life, but suddenly I felt exhausted…physically, mentally, and emotionally.

How does one get from the top of the world to this place of hurt and pain? I do all the right things and have all the right tools. I practice yoga faithfully, meditate daily, eat healthy, treat people with love and respect, think positively, and live my life from a place of love. What was I doing wrong? Why was I back at this place of uncertainty? Why weren’t my manifestations happening? Why did I try and go back to a relationship I was just finally getting over?

Jerry and Esther Hicks in The Teachings of Abraham Law of Attraction would say I’m never going to change my destiny by asking these questions in a negative context because our thoughts drive our actions and yes, I know all this and I usually do have a very positve state of mind, but then I get to this place where I feel like nothing I’m doing is working and it would be easier to just live in ignorance with everyone else, but I know I wouldn’t be happy there either so then I throw my hands up in the air and relinquish everything because I have nothing left to give.

There’s a part of me that feels guilty even saying this because there are people out there who have it a lot worse. We live in a world of suffering and there are people barely holding on because of war, disease, and personal loss. I realize the stuff going on in my life is minuscule compared to what’s going on in our world, but it’s how I feel and I owe it to myself to honor my feelings. It was never safe for me to feel in front of my family because they dealt with their feelings differently and I’ve been in relationships where I regretted every moment I ever showed any emotion because I eventually learned it wasn’t safe to feel in the front of the person I loved, but I’m tired of people not validating my feelings because it’s healthy to feel and nobody should ever make me feel bad about that.

Life comes at you like the waves of the ocean and you have to learn to ride the waves and float with the current instead of trying to paddle up stream. You are never going to get to that point of absolute peace until the day you die so if honoring your feelings by speaking your truth makes life alittle easier then so be it. Life happens…it’s not static…it’s ever-changing. You can’t stand still…you have to keep moving or life will eat you alive.  

I allowed myself to feel sad and alone and depressed for two days. I gave myself permission to stay in bed until 4pm, not eat anything, and feel sorry for myself…I allowed myself to feel sad and heavy in the heart. I allowed myself to be mad at the world…to be mad at the man I love…to be mad at my mother for being emotionally-unavailable to me…to be mad at the guy who ran in to the back of me…to be mad at myself for thinking love is always the answer…to be mad at all the angels I felt abondoned me. But tomorrow is a new day and the sun will rise again, but it will rise in a new energy…in a new love and I will start my day anew…with new positive manifestations…a new healthy attitude about myself and the world in which we live. I will find the good and I will move forward just as I’ve always done.

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Hands-on July 18, 2008

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Last night was the first time I taught since the accident. I knew I wouldn’t be able to do the poses like I normally do, but I had no idea I wouldn’t be able to do hand-on adjustments. It came to me as a surprise the first time I bent over to place my hands on a student’s back while in a seated forward fold. My neck immediately tightened and I felt like I couldn’t move. I had no problems standing or walking with my head straight, but bending over caused my head to fold forward, which brought about a great deal of pain.

It made me realize the importance of touch in a yoga class. Sure there are some people who have space issues and don’t want to be touched, but connecting with your students is very important and the best way to truly connect is person to person. When you lay your hands on someone you are not only energetically encouraging the students to adjust their alignment, you are giving them prana and prana is energetic love.

There are minor chakras in the palms of your hands so when you lay your hands upon a student you are sharing a piece of yourself…you are sharing love and compassion…two ingredients for a sweet practice. As humans, we were meant to be touched and loved in a gentle loving way. Our humanity depends upon it. Studies have shown that love can heal and yoga is about healing the body…loving the body…being kind and compassionate to the body.

I wouldn’t want to teach yoga if I couldn’t be myself and incorporate a loving heart in to the practice. It just wouldn’t seem right to me. It felt really weird walking around class last night verbally directing my students from one asana to the next without being able to get in close and share the love. It felt foreign and strange. I have a new appreciation for hands-on and look forward to healing so I can once again share the gift of touch…it is truly a healing art.

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Drunk driver July 17, 2008

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Timing is everything. Sometimes you think if only this or only that, but you could spend your entire lifetime thinking about such nonsense. Perhaps things happen for a reason and all those “if only this” or “if only thats” weren’t suppose to happen so something else could happen instead.

There were a multitude of people I could have asked for a ride home from my brother and sister ‘n law’s baby shower, but I passed everyone up so I could hang out until the very last minute, as I was leaving for Atlanta in the morning and didn’t want to say good-bye to my friends any sooner than I had to. My brother’s best friend was my ride home so when it came time for him to leave I had no choice, but to bid my farewell.

Matt and his girlfriend warned me the car would be a mess and there would be no air conditioning or radio. A couple other people made sarcastic comments like, “its always an adventure with Matt…you’re riding at your own risk,” but I just figured they were picking on him. I didn’t actually believe he had a dark karmic cloud hanging over his head, but perhaps I should have taken caution to the wind.

We turned the wrong way as we left the baby shower, but neither Matt nor I realized because we were too busy talking. His girlfriend finally interrupted us so Matt turned around and headed back in the right direction. We were laughing and talking and sharing our feelings about Florida and how they don’t require motorists to wear helmets as we pulled up to a red light and stopped. No sooner did I say, “I think it’s dangerous for them not to wear helmets,” a car rear-ended us going about 45 miles an hour. The driver then fled the scene hitting us a second time.

The light turned green as the driver went around us so Matt chased after him. I think guys have a different primal instinct than girls because I don’t know that I would have thought that fast had I been the one driving. I was still trying to process what had just happened so it took me a minute to realize the car was trying to get away. I thought a second car hit the car that hit us when we got hit the second time. I also had a difficult time trying to put the license plate number in my phone while Matt’s girlfriend called the police. It’s interesting how the easiest things can suddenly seem so complicated in the midst of a stressful situation.

I think the guy finally realized we weren’t going to stop and we already had his plate number so he finally pulled over. My immediate thought was, ”What if this guy has a gun? What are we doing? This is crazy!” I still don’t know what I would have done if the guy got out and started a fight or pulled out a weapon. I’m just thankful he didn’t.

I definitely felt safe once I saw the driver. He appeared harmless even though he and the other two guys in the car were obviously wasted. They were “on” something…from what substance I don’t know, but there was no mistaking their state of mind. The cops didn’t take too long to get there and I’m not certain what happened to the two passengers, but the driver definitely went to jail.

Thankfully the 3 of us were wearing our seat belts and were able to drive away from the scene, but we didn’t walk away free and clear. I have neck injuries and can’t practice yoga or kickboxing until my doctor says its okay. Not being able to practice the thing I’m most passionate about is killing me. It’s my sanity and what keeps me grounded. It makes me angry that some guy was driving around wasted without a care for himself or anyone else on the road, but being angry isn’t going to make things better so I have to believe there was a reason this happened…for better or worse.

I can tell you we were absolutely meant to be at that exact intersection at that exact time. Had we not got turned around, we wouldn’t have been the first car at that red light and if we weren’t there than the guy would have run right through the intersection and may have killed someone. If you think of it that way, we may very well have saved someone’s life. Of course there could be other reasons, but only the higher power knows. This is where trust comes to play…as hard as it may be!

 

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Unemployed July 13, 2008

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Being unemployed isn\'t so bad

It’s official…I’m unemployed. I’m still not quite sure how I feel about this newly acquired title, but I’m trying not to stress about it. One day I’m graduating from teacher training and the next I’m unemployed. Talk about closing doors!!! It  has been just about two weeks and I haven’t completely lost my mind, but I also gave myself a little time to let go and have some fun without worrying about what was next. 

I spent the 1st week of being unemployed at the beach and now I’m in Orlando visiting my friends and family. I head back to Atlanta tomorrow, which is when realty will set in. Thankfully I have an appointment with a career counselor the day after I get back. I’m praying he will give me some direction on where to go from here because I’m feeling a bit lost.

I’m in a very interesting place, as I have no attachments…no property…no job…no pets…nothing holding me down, but the gravity of mother earth. I have the ability and freedom to go absolutely anywhere or do whatever I want. Not too many people can say the same so I’m trying to embrace the change and trust that I’m exactly where I’m suppose to be. There are some people who would kill to be where I’m at, but the grass is always greener on the other side, right?

I don’t know if it’s because I just graduated from teacher training or I’m getting older and have learned from past experience, but I have this uncanny calmness for so much change going on. Not too long ago I would be completely out of my mind and worrying incessantly, but I guess I finally learned to have faith in the Universe because she’s never let me know before. 

I’ve learned so much about manifesting and creating my own destiny, but I feel a bit powerless over all this uncertainty…fear is a funny thing…it’s with us whether we like it or not…as positive as we are, there’s always this little voice, which I call the “ego, ” who wants you to believe you are not good enough.

I know I’m more than my thoughts or the ego that tries to take precedence in my life so I refuse to let fear destroy the beautiful gifts I’ve earned through all the hard work I’ve endured. It’s just time for me to make a decision and I want it to be the best decision…no regrets. I desperately want to do my own thing…work for myself…not answer to the corporate schedule or restricted time off.

I have two passions…writing and teaching yoga…why can’t I pursue these and still earn a living? I deserve to do what I love and love what I do, but I’m not quite sure how to get there from here. So many yoga teachers are starving yoga teachers and so it’s scary thinking about leaving the corporate world and relying on something that pays so little and doesn’t offer insurance or retirement. My ego wants me to believe it can’t be done, which is where fear comes in to play and suddenly I think about running back to the safe predictable professional world of benefits, a salary, and paid time off. What is the right decision? I guess I’m the only one who can answer that, but that just brings me back to the beginning.

My head just spins in circles every time I think about it so I’m trying not to think about it and just stay in the moment knowing that everything is happening as it should, but it’s so much easier said than done. It’s all about trust…trusting in a higher power at work and trusting in myself.

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