Is Dawn Coming? March 23, 2008
Posted by admin in : Life 101 Tags:balance, Easter , add a commentIt’s Easter and I don’t really celebrate in the way most people do, but I like to color Easter eggs and get together with friends and drink wine. That’s what Easter should be about…coloring eggs and drinking wine! I know, I know…I shouldn’t poke fun, as there are people who truly honor the holiday as more than decorating eggs, but there ARE those who only go to church on the holidays, which I don’t understand.
What’s that all about? Why even go? Do they think God will “forgive” them for all the wrong they’ve done if they make it to mass at least twice a year. It seems a little out of line to me, but I suppose it shouldn’t matter as long as it makes them feel like a better person.
I just don’t believe in the whole Christianity belief that you have to go to church in order to be saved…saved from what? Hell? Do people really believe there’s a place called hell where they’re going to burn to death if they don’t do right by God? Does the devil really live there all dressed in red? Yes, I’m being crass and I don’t mean to be disprespectful to those who obviously believe in this crap, but c’mon…it’s ludicrous!!! I feel sorry for people who live their entire life in fear because of something that doesn’t even exist. Life is just passing them by and their missing out on all the good stuff.
I was raised strict Southern Baptist so I saw first hand how religion can instill the fear of God in people. It was an awful way to be raised…so many judgments and people who wanted to control you. I was taught music was bad unless of course it was the gospel. I wasn’t allowed to wear a bikini or dance like a rock star. Little girls were just suppose to help around the house and behave like good little girls.
I could write a book about it, but why waste the energy? I don’t even have the energy to deal with my own life right now. I’m going to be unemployed in exactly one week and have no idea what I’m going to do. I’ve been cranky and sick all weekend…an emotional mess. I started crying uncontrollably yesterday on my way home from kickboxing. I don’t understand why I have to fall apart before the Universe will put me back together. I’ve been doing so good…staying positive…holding on to faith…trusting in the Universe…manifesting…everything I know to do, but NOTHING!!!
Although I was trying to be all optimistic, the stress was there…I just tried to look beyond it in an attempt to stay positive and hopeful that something would come from all the job searching, but nothing was happening. I ended up calling my mom since she’s the one person who “gets it” and understands me the most. Somewhere in our conversation she said, “Balance is about authenticity, which includes the negative emotions…it’s in feeling them that we get in touch with our subconcious…falling apart is about letting go of stuff and we have to let go of stuff in order to make room for the miracles…and of course there’s always the cliche that it’s always darkest before dawn…which it is…so the light is about to come.” Mmm…how profound!
It was exactly what I needed to hear because it’s okay to fall apart…you don’t always have to harbor the stress in your body…it’s not healthy…it’s there…honor it…make friends with it…it’s just as much a part of you as the good happy stuff. Sometimes I forget that it’s okay to be human. It’s just so hard when you know so much. It all goes back to balance…taking the good and the bad and finding that middle ground where it’s safe to stand.