Acceptance…the final stage… October 17, 2008
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Everyone experiences loss at some point in their life, whether it is the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, or the end of a relationship. Everyone responds processes and handles grief in their own way because we were raised differently. Our emotional response depends upon our personality, culture, spiritual beliefs, and religious practices. The one thing that stays constant is the process, as everyone goes through similar stages of denial, pain, anger, sadness, loneliness and then acceptance. Anyone who has grieved knows there comes a time when the pain finally subsides and you are free. It’s almost as if it happens in an instant…a single moment in time.
I don’t know what determines how long a person will grieve, but I do know that when it’s done, it’s done. There are many beautiful gifts that arise out of the final stage of accepting and letting go. There’s an awakening of consciousness and liveliness about your being that radiates from within because once the pain is gone, the body has a spaciousness the whole world can see. You feel magnificently alive and you have a new profound sense of self. It’s absolutely beautiful to witness someone letting go, as the freedom shines right through their eyes.
It took me a long time, but I finally let go of the relationship that ended almost a year ago. I’m not quite sure how to explain it, but something magical happened. It was if the universe pulled the remaining feelings out of my heart and freed me from the pain and hurt I was still harboring. I never loved another man the way I loved this man. He was absolutely everything to me. It was love at first sight and there was no doubt in my mind he was the one for me, as we talked about marriage and the possibility of creating a family.
I spent the past year trying to understand what happened…trying to understand why the Universe had other plans for us…trying to understand why our paths couldn’t be one. I was mad at the Universe for taking my love away…mad at myself for being committed to a spiritual journey that took me in a different direction. When it was all said and done what I realized was that it didn’t matter what happened between us and nobody was to blame. It was about the beautiful time we spent and the memories we created. It was about the intensity of our love and the life we shared.
There comes a time when you have to accept the fact that perhaps you’re not always meant to be with the person you think you’re suppose to be with in the terms of forever. Everyone is on their own journey and your life’s purpose may or may not take you in a different direction. It’s possible for two people to share a life together and walk along different paths as long as the relationship is supportive and nurturing. It’s important to continually grow mentally, spiritually, and emotionally so a relationship shouldn’t hold you back or inhibit you in any way.
People waste precious time blaming or faulting their partner for stuff that doesn’t really matter in the end. It’s not always about this or that, but something much greater than you or I. If it’s not working, it’s not working. It’s nobody’s fault. It just may be the inevitable. Be grateful for the times you shared together and for all the beautiful things the relationship brought in to your life, but then accept and honor one another when its time to part ways. We are not always aware of the greater plan so it’s important to trust in a higher power.
Our love was a gift I will cherish forever. The hardships we endured and the challenges we faced broke me down to the core of my being. In my struggle to understand and through my anger and pain I was able to break through the hard shell I built around my heart. I prayed to God for many years, as I wanted to find my self. I wanted to let go of the roles I played in an attempt to be loved. I wanted to walk my path and not the path set out by others. I wanted to be safe to explore the inner depths of my soul. I wanted to let go of anything that was holding me back from achieving oneness with my higher soul. I wanted to release and let go of the insecurities that weighed heavy on my heart. I wanted to let go of my fears and anger. I wanted to embrace my inner child and learn to love my self…my true self.
Part of my prayer being answered was falling in love with this amazing man who walked in to my life and shared his heart with me. He reflected things I needed to see about myself and he was a catalyst for the lessons I learned. My relationship with him was a blessing…a gift from God. Not only did I find myself, I emerged from a dark cocoon as a butterfly with wings of brilliant light.
I feel free for the first time in my life and I mean free as a hawk sailing high in the sky. I would not be here had it not been for this amazing man, the yoga teacher training, the trip to India, and for all the incredible work I did in between. Some of it was extremely painful and harder than anything I’ve ever endured, but the light was worth the blood, sweat, and tears.
I was beginning to think I was broke…that I would never be able to let him go. My heart was with him every day. There wasn’t a moment that went by when I didn’t think about him or wonder how he was doing. When we broke up, I didn’t want to believe it…I felt anger and hatred I never felt before…I felt moments of sadness that left me wanting to take my life…I felt alone and scared and now almost a year later, I am finally done…I am free.
In honoring my feelings and allowing myself to feel the pain in losing him, I was able to finally let him go and it was in an instant…just like that and not a moment too soon. I will never stop loving him, as he had a beautiful spirit, but I was finally able to accept and let go. I am grateful as the grief is finally gone and I can now sit in a place of gratitude and divine love for what we shared. Love and loss can be painfully grueling, but if you allow yourself to process in due time, you will find the journey to be insightful and enlightening.
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